Arsenal bottle their way to the Premier League title, so where’s Stewie?! – a Mailbox special

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·19 May 2026

Arsenal bottle their way to the Premier League title, so where’s Stewie?! – a Mailbox special

Arsenal are Premier League champions and are now one game away from going down as the greatest side in the club’s history.

Also, could Stewie Griffin actually be Mikel Arteta?

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Arsenal bottle it again

Even after City shat the bed at home to Bournemouth and then got edged out by Arsenal away, putting the league back into Arsenal’s hands, Arsenal couldn’t see it through.

The draw against Everton and that 11 minute capitulation in the second half were a disgrace. Liquid arsenal. And tonight again, they give up the title with a whimper at Bournemouth, even after the league being in their hands with 5 games to go.

City have an elite mentality that Arsenal can just never hope to match. As evidenced by Rodri telling a gutted Bernardo Silva “it’s not done” after what you’d expect to be a devastating defeat at Arsenal. That’s the difference. Better luck next year.

Second again olé olé Finbar, Navan

So, did City bottle it?

Yes. Yes they did. Eoin

I f***ing told you guys this whole time we were gonna win. I cannot wait to see the mails from all the rival fans. I am going to slowly sip your tears like a bottle (yes, the entire bottle – no pun intended) of Macallan 18.

Last but certainly not least…

STEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Come out and play, friend! MAW, LA Gooner (Have you guys ever seen the movie Reign of Fire with Christian Bale / Matthew McConaughey. This summer, we are going to be the dragons in that movie. And I guess in this analogy Stewie is probably Matthew McConaughey’s character?)

Build a statue for Arteta

First thing first, Build a Statue for the Man, to still have energy and belief to fight one more time after being a runner up for 3 seasons in a row is huge and it show how strong he is mentally.

I hope we do kick on from this and maintain the same standard next season.

To naysayers, continue to call us names, while we enjoy being Champion.

Also, someone please check on STEWIE AND ALL THEM PUNDITS, ESPECIALLY THOSE FORMER MAN UNITED ONES AND The one Jon Obi Mikel. Lwazi, Cape Town

Champions!

Well, we did it.

Despite the City players simultaneously smelling our blood while breathing down our necks (is that even physically possible?), despite us playing the worst football ever seen from any team in history, despite Arteta sabotaging his own players every match by refusing to sit completely still in silence, making them so nervous they couldn’t perform – we did it.

Back in the real world, we did it with arguably the worst injury record in the league, we did it while also reaching two finals, we did it playing better football than every team except City (e.g. I’ve seen Liverpool and United multiple times this season and their football has been absolutely turgid), we did it in maybe the most competitive PL ever and Arteta has to take a huge amount of credit. We are no Leicester City – we’ve spent a lot of money to get here – but since Arteta came in Arsenal have largely been a well-managed club from top to bottom with great recruitment. I remember when Liverpool won the league in 19/20 a big part of me wanted City to win instead. As everyone knows, City cheated relentlessly and therefore to me everything they’ve won is tainted by that. Meanwhile Liverpool showed us what Arsenal could and should be achieving simply by being a well-run club that buys the right players. I was jealous of Liverpool. And now everyone is jealous of us, hence a lot of the nonsense in the F365 mailbox…

The odds are against us beating PSG as their key players have played so much less football than ours (and they’re a better side). But this team can go down in history as the best Arsenal side ever. One more game…

Much love Simon Cochrane

A conspiracy theory

Further to my earlier concern about Stewie, I am going to propose a theory: Stewie is Arteta! Bear with me, now. Arteta is known for stupid motivational tactics, e.g. playing You’ll never walk alone at the training ground. You’ve never seen them.both in the same room together. What better mind game to play than belittling yourself for 5 years on a popular, and formerly competent, website… we’re through the looking glass here, people.

Kind regards again, Kieran Malone (Competence is overrated)

Congratulations Kryten, Blok, Adsaw, Robbins, and Rico! Enjoy your celebrations chaps, pleased for you.

RHT/TS x (And good luck in the CL final, think you might need a wee bit…)

Arsenal Groundhog Day loop broken

It’s February 3! Mamoon Sharaf (not to worry Stewie, there is still a chance to bottle the Champions League final to give you sustenance for the summer).

F*** the police

Its a good thing we ‘celebrated like we won the League’ multiple times already, as Bournemouth have cruelly denied us that option now. Hats

Welp, PGMOL can claim their well won title, and you cannot say they have not deserved it, they stoutly defended for Arsenal all season. (If I see one more 23/24 Odegaard>Iniesta or Saka>Messi take online I am going to explode) Eli C. Toon Army D.C.

We will be insufferable, and you will love it!

Up the Arse!

Kind regards Ronson, AFC

Congratulations Arsenal!

The best team won. No matter what you say, no one else deserved it over the season.

So will see a Stewie letter eating his hat or will it continue to be toxic? Paul McDevitt

In the however many years I’ve been writing into the Mailbox, let alone reading it, I’ve never quite looked forward to a Stewie email as much as I am tomorrow.

Congratulations to Arsenal. No matter what people say, if you finish top, you deserve to be champions.

I’m also an Evertonian priest, ministering in a massive Arsenal area. If we do enough on Sunday, I’m not sure I’ll ever have to buy a drink again! Aidan, EFC, Hoxton

Congratulations to VARsenal.