Arsenal star ‘called out’ as Spurs handed ‘huge boost’ and World Cup ‘nightmare’ emerges | OneFootball

We’re deep into pure interlull wasteland now, with outrageous headline mischief, over-egged puddings and the classic trick of pretending information available to all in December is now somehow new.

But there’s domestic as well as international guff still.

There’s a ‘huge boost’ for Tottenham, for instance, as well as details of Liverpool’s star-based approach to replacing Mo Salah.

To the Viktor the spoils

Pure, unfiltered sh*thouse headline antics from the Daily Mirror here, to the extent that we are almost impressed at the total disregard for their readers and indeed the very idea that words mean anything at all.

Now, ‘called out’ can mean different things in different contexts, sure. But unless Gyokeres has a sideline as an emergency plumber and an opposition boss has a flooded basement, we’re pretty confident which one the Mirror are using here.

It’s the negative one, isn’t it? As the Cambridge Dictionary defines its use in this context:

That’s exactly what it means. We know you know this, but it’s important. We also know that the Mirror headline bod who concocted it knows what it means and thus knows precisely what they’ve done here.

For how, in fact, did Ukraine manager Serhiy Rebrov ‘call out’ Gyokeres after his hat-trick for Sweden knocked Ukraine out of World Cup contention?

Here we go again, everyone. Another front opens in the – obviously doomed – Mediawatch campaign for what should be the uncontroversial thought that words have meanings and that this is a useful and worthwhile concept to protect.

We’re also slightly surprised and – we’ll say it – a little bit disappointed that the Mirror missed the chance for even more mischief in that headline by replacing ‘opposition boss’ with ‘Spurs icon’.

This is the one thing WE did’nt WANT to HAPPEN

More pure mischief here, from The Sun this time, which were it again only about football tish and soccer fipsy we might let slide. But when it also comes across as unrelentingly gleeful about actual war, we’re not quite so forgiving.

Let’s see where this goes.

One way of putting it, yes.

Do you really have to be quite so gleefully Day Today about a war, gents? Let’s save the bold block caps for the usual important stuff, like how many hours after a disappointing home defeat an underperforming player has been caught smiling rather than self-flaggelating.

But let’s also call out the guff of the whole story here. Because the idea that USA v Iran is any likelier now than it was as soon as the draw was made is… a stretch.

Sure, the play-offs currently taking place are clearing the picture, and one of the play-off winners will end up in USA’s group. The likelihood now, as before a ball in those play-offs was kicked, is that it will be Turkey.

Which The Sun are using to pretend any of the following is meaningfully new information:

That’s all true. But that’s all been true ever since the draw was made in December.

Turkey being even more likely to qualify than they were before this week really is neither here nor there when it comes to assessing the overall chances of USA finishing second in their group – especially in terms of the projections of what is, let’s call it by its accepted tabloid name, a supercomputer.

USA finishing second in their group is and always would be a reasonably likely outcome whether it had been Turkey, Romania, Slovakia or Kosovo who qualified and joined Mauricio Pochettino’s side, Paraguay and Australia in Group D this summer.

If anything, the chance of USA and Iran meeting is far lower now than it was in December, with Iran’s participation in the tournament at all very far from certain. You know, because of the WAR.

Seconds out

This might be our favourite edition yet of the Missing Words Round, thanks to The Sun.

Now we won’t deny there’s a human-interest story here in the tale of ‘England superfan’ Andy Milne and his upcoming seven-week odyssey at what will be his 10th World Cup following England around the globe.

But accuracy still matters, and both that headline and the intro alas had no room for one six-letter word that changes things quite significantly.

That detail eventually, grudgingly, emerges eight paragraphs later.

There is a pretty clear difference between the implication of ‘sells his house’ and the actual reality of ‘sells the second house he’s kept on as a rental property while living in Thailand’.

He’s not leaving himself out on the streets for the rest of his days just so he can follow England all the way to a limp quarter-final exit against Brazil.

Boost

Elite and indeed top-tier interlull content from football.london here with some timely good news for the world’s most beleaguered football club.

You may want to sit down, dear reader, for we are about to say something that may shock and alarm you. There is no huge Premier League relegation battle boost here for Spurs. What there is, is an expertly crafted bit of pure headline housery.

The main part of that headline is just your classic over-egging. Words like ‘huge’ and ‘boost’ are textbook headline words of long-standing to make the mundane and humdrum seem vital and exciting.

What elevates this are the final four intriguing words: ‘thanks to FA rules’

They know exactly what they’re up to there. Exactly what vibe that suddenly gives the whole headline. There’s intrigue and mystery here. A clear sense of something maybe involving a loophole being exploited or better yet a conspiracy. What are these opaque ‘FA rules’ that are about to hand the biggest club to be in relegation trouble for a generation a ‘huge boost’?

They are the suspension rules.

And it gets better/worse. It’s not even about how the suspension rules directly affect Spurs. It’s about how they affect Brighton.

There’s that ‘could’ again.

Optimistic. Both in terms of the phrase ‘Igor Tudor’s side’ and the very idea that Spurs are currently even involved in a quest for survival. They don’t look like they’re on a quest. Not for survival, at any rate.

But that’s not the point. The point is that Diego Gomez has nine bookings this season. So if he gets booked against Burnley on April 11, he’ll be suspended for Brighton’s trip to Spurs the following weekend.

Now Diego Gomez is a damn fine young player. But we think it’s going to need a bit more than a 22-year-old midfielder possibly but probably not being suspended for one game over three weeks away to qualify as a ‘huge Premier League relegation battle boost’ for the team with the worst home record in the division.

Yes, these are desperate times for Spurs. But that doesn’t excuse resorting to desperate headline measures.

Look at the stars

How do Liverpool replace Mo Salah? With stars, according to the Daily Mirror.

Honestly, the repetitive lengths people will go to just to stop us being able to bring back Acewatch.