Arteta definitely ‘fires back’ at bitter Jesus with ‘gratitude’ in unhinged Arsenal attack

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·11 September 2026

Arteta definitely ‘fires back’ at bitter Jesus with ‘gratitude’ in unhinged Arsenal attack

Mikel Arteta has torn former striker Gabriel Jesus a new one as ‘bitter Arsenal transfer exit escalates’ with ‘gratitude’ and ‘understanding’.

It certainly sounds explosive, doesn’t it?

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Flippin’ ‘eck It is a relief – and a minor miracle, seeing some of the pictures – that no-one was hurt in the incident which resulted in a sodding Land Rover flipping on its roof near Hull’s training ground.

In light of there being no injuries, may we just quickly ask that those calling Sorba Thomas a ‘Premier League star’ in their clicky headlines at least wait until he has more than half an hour of career minutes in the competition to his name?

Call and response While Mediawatch could only shake a head at the silliness of Mauricio Pochettino throwing his considerable weight behind the silly idea that silly Spurs should be awarded the 2016/17 Premier League title with silly Chelsea STRIPPED of the honour, Friday brings some reaction which actually falls into this silly column’s remit.

And of course it comes from the Daily Mirror website:

‘Premier League responds after Mauricio Pochettino calls for Chelsea to be stripped of title’

That is pretty much the opposite of the fabled ‘curiosity gap’: there is precisely no doubt as to what the Premier League response will be. If anyone out genuinely there thinks that some Barclays suits will suddenly think, ‘actually, yeah, we should crown Spurs the champions of a season played a decade ago because Mauricio Pochettino says so,’ we have some magic beans to sell too.

Just look at the opening paragraph from John Cross:

‘Premier League chiefs insist they did not let Chelsea off lightly amid the storm surrounding their 2017 title.’

And, well, f***ing obviously. It would be quite the story if Premier League chiefs insist they did let Chelsea off lightly.

The quotes are also at least a month old; it’s a shame the headline completely accidentally implies a) they are new, and b) this is news.

Box clever Cross is also given the back page of the actual Daily Mirror newspaper – well, about half of it – for this:

Which basically amounts to ‘Boxing Day is on a schedule-friendly Saturday this year instead of a Friday’.

We await confirmation from the Daily Telegraph‘s Jim White as to whether Premier League football on Boxing Day remains ‘a goner’, and instructions as to how ‘old timers’ can take ‘the much-loved festive fixture’ back out of ‘the bin’.

One quick question: can the erosion of an English football tradition be reversed? Or was it a whole load of performative p*ssing and moaning in the first place?

Taking the Mik Mikel Arteta needs to be more careful.

After his ‘unhappy’ Arsenal players teased something of a revolt in response to the despicable treatment of Gabriel Martinelli (read: being left out of the squad ahead of a move which should make the Brazilian unfathomably rich), the manager is now having a pop at the similarly offloaded, similarly Gabriel-based Jesus.

‘Mikel Arteta fires back at Gabriel Jesus as row over bitter Arsenal transfer exit escalates’ – Daily Mirror website.

‘Mikel Arteta hits back at Gabriel Jesus after making accusations against Arsenal boss’ – Football.London.

‘Shocked Mikel Arteta hits back after Gabriel Jesus blasts Arsenal treatment’ – London Evening Standard.

If you haven’t seen these quotes, consider a Parental Advisory: Explicit Content. Because this no-holds barred, X-rated, frankly unhinged stuff from the Spaniard:

“Very surprised, to be fair, especially because with Gabriel I had an individual talk in the dressing room. I don’t know what the words were said, it’s fine. “And the words that we used for each other, it was all about gratitude. So, I don’t know, it’s okay. Sometimes I understand when you have to deliver bad news or news that people don’t expect. Those things are reactive. Somebody has to be there to be bad cop. If I have to be, I have to be. And I understand. “What is important is normally what happens three months later, six months later, when Trossard comes in, he’s in the dressing room with all of us, the atmosphere and the relation you have. And thank God so far, with all the players that they left, at some point their relationship has been really good. I hope that’s the same case.”

If that doesn’t lose Arteta the dressing room then nothing will. He has fired/hit back with “gratitude”, understanding, and the hope that Jesus can return and be welcomed with open arms soon. The bloke shows more respect to his technical area, ffs.

Slam Nkunk On a similar note is this from The Sun website:

‘Nkunku lifts lid on Chelsea nightmare… and slams ex-Man Utd boss Amorim’

One does not have to look far from someone willing to slam Ruben Amorim in big 2026, but a ‘slam’ this is not:

“Milan’s decision? It’s a choice that should be respected, but I don’t know why they acted that way. I was surprised. In any case, I wish them a good season. At Milan I didn’t have any injuries, but the vision of football was different from mine. So, as soon as the opportunity arose to come back here and play my football, I seized it.”

That, a ‘slam’?! We’re meant to be the snowflakes around here.

Hoodoo doll Sorry to be a pain, MailOnline, but under absolutely no circumstances are we having this…

‘Why Man City are fired up to end their Old Trafford hoodoo: Squad unity, the star duo drumming standards into newcomers and the missing ingredient players say Enzo Maresca has added ahead of Man United clash’

…to describe Manchester City’s form away at Manchester United.

They could and certainly should have done much better there in recent years, but ‘they haven’t scored a goal there since 2023’ is disingenuous at best when they have only played there twice in that timeframe, and one of those games ended in a 0-0 draw.

A defeat and a stalemate since thrashing them 3-0 three years ago cannot possible be described as a ‘hoodoo’.