Former Leeds United defender Clarke Carlisle says poor performances left him feeling like 'a bad human' | OneFootball

Clarke Carlisle has described how he "sat on a futon and drank myself into oblivion" while battling alcoholism and gambling, speaking on Abbeycare’s Listen Up podcast.

The 46-year-old Queens Park Rangers, Leeds United and Burnley defender, who later chaired the Professional Footballers’ Association, said he was "anchored in external validation" from childhood and sought approval from managers and fans.

"Everything was tied into football," he said, adding: "If I played poorly, I was a bad human."

After a knee injury in 2001, he said he had only one sober day each week for more than a month, ordering a crate of beer and two bottles of wine. "I placed that order probably six days a week for a five-week period," he said. He attempted to take his own life around then before returning to play for 12 more years.

After retiring in 2013, he endured "the longest and deepest depressive episode of my life". In 2014 he made another attempt, spending six weeks in hospital after being hit by a lorry, with a shattered knee and internal bleeding.

Following a stay at Blackburn Psychiatric Hospital he began cognitive analytic therapy and said it helped him regain control. He urged anyone struggling to seek professional help, saying: "There are literally thousands of people who are qualified and trained to be invested in your wellness. Go there first." He is married, has three children from previous relationships, and now works as a business development executive at Betknowmore.

Source: yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk