Man Utd have ‘free hit’ on Cole Palmer because of geography and stuff | OneFootball

Cole Palmer might be surprised to wake up to news that he ‘wants’ a transfer to Manchester United.

And let’s all take a minute to ‘enjoy’ Gary Cotterill…

Cole Palmer to Man Utd is practically done

‘Cole Palmer keen on Man Utd transfer as Chelsea midfielder eyes Manchester return – Paper Talk’

It’s a pretty damned sexy headline for one of the most popular pages on the Sky Sports website, especially during a January transfer window which has predictably been a bit pish.

So Palmer (who could put in a transfer request) is keen on a Man Utd transfer, is he? You might guess that this would be massive news to Palmer himself, who is at the centre of one of the great transfer ‘2+2=5’s of our time.

It’s Mediawatch’s job to follow the bullsh*t so off we go to the Express:

As you may have guessed, ‘could’ is doing a f*** of a lot of heavy lifting in that headline.

Alarm bells begin with the very first word of the sub-headline: ‘COMMENT.’

So Sky Sports have – for reasons beyond our ken – elevated the ‘comment’ of an Express reporter to the lead headline on their Paper Talk page. Laziness or just plain giddiness at the notion that Cole Palmer might be ‘keen’ on a Manchester United move?

Let’s linger for a minute on that Express piece, which is a wonderful piece of fan fiction…

A ‘gift’! Do gifts usually cost the receiver over £100m?

Oh and let’s gloss over the fact that those reports (in The Sun) actually claim that ‘the Blues No10 could well be tempted to return to his former club’ because boo, hiss, who cares about Chelsea and Manchester City when you can posit that Palmer could join This Is Manchester United We Are Talking About?

And posit Amos Murphy does. At length.

It’s not ‘difficult to imagine’ at all; Palmer was pretty heavily linked with both Liverpool last summer. And linked with Manchester City all the way back in the mists of time to Wednesday.

A free hit! The team who finished 15th last season and have no permanent manager could have a ‘free hit’ at signing Palmer.

We agree that Palmer to Manchester United makes ‘perfect sense’ for the Reds but let’s not pretend the transfer is ‘on’ just because it features in United fans’ wet dreams.

And Sky Sports, you really should be ashamed of yourselves. Is Nathan Collins to Tottenham not good enough for you?

And where one leads…

‘Transfer news LIVE! Arsenal deal close; Chelsea to sign Alao; Palmer wants Man Utd, Liverpool eye Van de Ven’ – Evening Standard.

They call it ‘a shocking transfer rumour’. Damn right it’s a shocking transfer rumour. It’s sh*t.

Man Utd double deal close

We will give the Manchester Evening News some credit in not jumping upon the Cole Palmer bandwagon, but the credit ends when we see bumwash like this:

The ‘Ruben Neves boost’? That Real Madrid are not now interested in a player that they were never interested in anyway. And as for ‘deal close’…that’s Toby Collyer to Hull City. And the ‘medical’? Harry Amass will be coughing and cupping at Norwich.

It’s all happening.

Over to you, Gary…