Norway in ‘chaos’ as Haaland concern emerges and science leading England to glory

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Football365

·9 July 2026

Norway in ‘chaos’ as Haaland concern emerges and science leading England to glory

One warm day without a bit of actual World Cup football has proved more than enough for everyone to lose the run of themselves.

Norway are in chaos, referees are being banned, and England have clear advantage that we can all see with our eyes applies to all the other teams as well.

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Thank Gianni there’s a game tonight. It’s been a scary 48 hours.

Agents of chaos

Good news, everyone. England’s place in the World Cup semi-finals is basically in the bag. Norway are f*cked. Don’t take our word for it; take the Daily Mirror’s.

Norway chaos before England, new manager appointed as FIFA reject appeal – World Cup round up

Ignore the new manager and rejected appeal bits. That’s not the Norway chaos, just your classic ‘use a round-up story to make one dramatic-sounding headline’ tactic so beloved of transfer guff. Mexico appointing Rafael Marquez to replace the departing Javier ‘Gordon! F*ck you!’ Aguirre and France moaning about Michael Olise’s yellow card, if you’re bothered.

So what is the ‘Norway chaos’ that has engulfed them ahead of the biggest game in the team’s history?

In the last 72 hours, reports have emerged that there is a sickness bug within the Norway squad, as well as friction with Alexander Sorloth as he plays out of position to complement Erling Haaland.

Mediawatch has already dealt with the ‘sickness bug’ nonsense and won’t be repeating ourselves.

But what of Sorloth?

Norway international Alexander Sorloth’s father has revealed that the Atletico Madrid striker has been left ‘irritated’ on the eve of their World Cup clash with England.

Always gold when the parents get involved.

But, and this will shock you, it turns out to be compete tish and absolute fipsy.

It has emerged that Sorloth, who made 20 appearances for Palace scoring just once, was left angered by the decision from (Stale) Solbakken to bring him off at half-time for Fulham playmaker Oscar Bobb during the round of 16 showdown. Goran told Dagbladet : “He gets irritated about being taken off, he should be every day all year round. Regardless of whether it’s the World Cup, the European Championship or a regular international match.”

Very clear that Sorloth Sr is talking generally, isn’t it? Not that Sorloth Jr is specifically annoyed about this substitution, but that he, like all professional footballers, is basically always annoyed to be subbed off.

But presumably there must be some kind of actual falling out with the manager? Something to justify this talk of chaos?

Despite being angered by Solbakken’s decision, the forward’s father insisted there was no love lost over the incident. He said: “I don’t think there was a heated discussion with Stale Solbakken. They know each other so well that there was talk of exchanging things and things. They are still the best friends in the world. Together they believe that they can go far.”

Oh. So all we’ve really learned from this is that someone at the Mirror has not one clue what the phrase ‘no love lost’ means. Or, indeed, the word ‘chaos’.

A bug’s life

We know we said we wouldn’t be repeating ourselves about the Norway sickness bug, but we will briefly break that rule just to marvel at this from the Daily Star.

Erling Haaland at risk of sickness bug as Norway ace confirms doctor ‘very busy’

Technically true, we suppose, insofar as everyone is at risk of a sickness bug at pretty much any time. It’s just one of the many, many reasons Mediawatch never leaves the house, preferring instead to sit in our pants in the dark eating crisps.

England banned

We are weirdly impressed at the sheer scale of the drama the Daily Express have managed to insert into this headline.

English referee facing World Cup ban after what happened 44 years ago

It’s a sensationally over-the-top way of saying ‘Michael Oliver won’t be the World Cup final referee if England or Argentina get there, even though nobody has yet said he would be even if they didn’t’.

It’s just not a ban, is it? He’s not being banned.

He just, as an English referee, wouldn’t be considered because he wouldn’t meet FIFA’s criteria to take charge of a final involving England, obviously, or Argentina, because of FIFA’s understandable protocols around referee appointments that might be politically sensitive and invite conspiracy theories from the weirdest corners of the internet.

You know who else would be BANNED from refereeing a final involving England or Argentina? An Argentine referee.

Mediawatch also has all the time in the world for clickbaiting ‘The Falklands War’ as ‘what happened 44 years ago’.

We like other colours, but…

More astonishing Daily Star nonsense here and a horrifying reminder of how doolally even one day without actual football during a major tournament – and a cavernous six days between England games – can send everyone. It leaves a vacuum. A vacuum that must be filled. Filled with sh*t. Sh*t like…

Science behind England players’ pink boots – and why it could lead them to glory

The science boils down to ‘players feel more confident in bright colours’ which seems fair enough but also not really very sciency if we’re being brutally honest.

Most importantly, though, they’re not ‘England players’ pink boots’ are they? Every bugger is wearing pink boots at this tournament.

Nike, Adidas, Puma, New Balance and even f*cking Skechers all decided to think pink for their main World Cup boot offerings.

There is no advantage for England here, even if we accept the science behind what the Star, in an elite piece of second-mentioning, has dubbed ‘coral-coloured kickers’.

We must also for the sake of completeness note that Erling Haaland, assuming he avoids coming down with the plague, is ‘due to don his salmon specials’ against England. Embarrassing for him when he realises England have already called dibs on magenta mouldies (best we could do, it’s harder than it looks to be fair) leading them to glory.