Olivier Giroud’s boring MNF debut proves that good-looking pundits are rubbish | OneFootball

One of the redeeming features about humanity, alongside compassion for others and Mini Eggs, is that nobody is perfect.

It’s something we’re all told growing up and we all know is true. Alas, it’s sometimes hard to believe in a world of curated social media feeds, a world where genuine vulnerability is demonised.

But it’s the first thing that came to mind when watching Olivier Giroud’s debut as a pundit on Monday Night Football.

Giroud, who is still playing in Ligue 1, has enjoyed a stellar career. The striker is adored by fans of both Arsenal and Chelsea, scoring 90 Premier League goals during his time in England.

He is a World Cup winner, receiving plaudits in 2018 despite not scoring at the tournament and rarely threatening to do so.

And Giroud is also semi-fetished by football fans for his looks; rarely does an article go by without some hack drooling over his Men’s Health features and assumed suaveness.

So it’s genuinely heart-warming to discover that Giroud is an extremely boring pundit.

Working alongside Dave Jones and Jamie Carragher, the Frenchman took to his duties like a cat to water.

Speaking at a speed beyond leisurely that suggested he’d indulged in an Amsterdam brownie before going on air, Giroud set about his task with methodical dullness.

Room-temperature anecdotes about his time at Arsenal or playing with Bafode Diakite and Alex Jimenez were delivered in almost admirably non-viral chunks, taking up several minutes.

You half suspected Sky were trialling a new piece of technology, where analysis was delivered at 0.5x speed.

Or perhaps Giroud was making a sardonic point about the extreme churn of online content and steadfastly refused to provide any more meat to the gristle.

“I’ve seen great things… he should be very, very frustrated”

After Manchester United and Bournemouth had thrashed out a demented 4-4 draw, the adrenaline of the match was immediately punctured by a return to the studio.

“They need to be more efficient in the box,” Giroud said about United as Jones and Carragher silently cursed themselves for not taking ProPlus before going on air.

“That’s why you win games, in the opponent’s box and your box. They need to be stronger. Not just the defence, but the whole team.

“I’ve seen great things, they created so many chances… Amorim should be very, very frustrated.”

As one Twitter wag noted, witnessing the excitement of that game followed by Giroud’s punditry must be the sort of crash that only heroin addicts usually experience.

We note Giroud was speaking in his second language and give him credit, but the producers who booked him were clearly thinking with their eyes and not their ears.

Rarely do conventionally good-looking pundits impress with their insight; it’s taken Jamie Redknapp almost 20 years to reach mediocrity, while Thierry Henry only works in the bantergeddon CBS studio.

Being good-looking does tend to open more doors, although the ease of which these opportunities arise also curtails the necessary character-building required to possess interesting opinions.

Giroud will probably be booked by Sky again, however misguidely. But it’s heart-warming to have it confirmed again that no human being is perfect.