Pablo & Taty Castellanos are more West Ham than pie, mash & Danny Dyer | OneFootball

One of the requirements of football journalism, alongside florid use of metaphors and a tolerance for crumbs on the keyboard, is constantly putting your neck on the line.

Nothing sells on the internet quite like a bold opinion, black or white takes that are begging to be screenshotted and used as evidence against your good character.

In January, as West Ham prepared to buy Pablo Felipe and Taty Castellanos, I wrote: “After getting cold feet over Jorgen Strand Larsen, they are committing almost £50million to a pair of players that only World Soccer devotees or liars have any prior knowledge about.”

The Hammers were deep in a relegation battle, with multiple holes requiring urgent plugging on their sinking ship, but the club acted uncharacteristically swiftly to bolster their attack.

Both players seemed like classic panic buys. Neither had been especially prolific at their former clubs and their lack of profile led to suggestions that this was the work of superagent Jorge Mendes.

But my scepticism has turned to something else; pride and protectiveness over two players who couldn’t be more West Ham if they’d been adopted by Danny Dyer as infants.

Castellanos has been the more prolific, taking his tally to five with his brace in the 4-0 win over Wolves that lifted the Hammers out of the relegation zone at Tottenham’s expense.

The Argentine is also the subject of the best football chant you’ve heard all season.

Pablo has been something else, a frenzy of limbs and the acute sense you’re watching a Premier League footballer make it up as he goes along.

One X user called him the new Antonio, but tall instead of wide. His assist for Castellanos’ first goal was glorious, a flick where you could see the cogs turning in his head as it happened. I love watching him for his randomness.

Both have injected life into West Ham’s previously moribund attack, which had been staffed by the hapless Niclas Fullkrug and the signed-four-years-too-late Callum Wilson.

The former had been a useless focal point in the Hammers’ attack, seeming to shrink whenever asked to challenge for a header. Castellanos is tenacious, the footballing dog with a bone.

Crucially, both players bring the best from Jarrod Bowen and Crysensio Summerville. Bowen was in inspired form against Wolves, laying on two assists and unluckily hitting the post.

West Ham fans don’t expect their players to be world-beaters, although one or two with magic in their boots is always welcome, but they do expect you to put a shift in. Do that and they’ll take you to their hearts.

That’s why both Castellanos and Pablo are West Ham to their core. The ultimate Hammer in my lifetime isn’t Di Canio, Payet or Tevez – it’s Carlton Cole. Nine parts cack-handedness, one part genius and 100% commitment.

The other goalscorer against Wolves also fits neatly here. Konstantinos Mavropanos has gone from scapegoat to cult hero in recent months, lethal in both boxes like a Tzatziki Maguire.

And a shout-out to Kyle Walker-Peters, too. The full-back is the perfect squad member, dependable when called upon and low maintenance when left on the bench.

It was unusually canny of West Ham to snap him up on a free transfer. None of these players are future Ballon d’Or winners, but effort and spirit can take you a long way.

Fans of longer memories are comparing Pablo and Castellanos to John Hartson and Paul Kitson, the pair who saved West Ham from relegation in 1997 after their mid-season arrivals.

These two will occupy the same place in Hammers folklore should they escape the drop 29 years later. And this writer will be delighted to have been proven wrong.