PLAYER RATINGS: Joao Pedro Reads Newspaper All Game, Then Scores Brighton Winner Against Manchester United | OneFootball

Manchester United started well. They conceded first. Then they lost. Nothing new here.

Brighton came off the back of a trouncing of Everton, while the Red Devils squeaked past Fulham. Only one thing was certain:

These player ratings would be done. Let’s get into the ratings, then.

Player Ratings

Brighton & Hove Albion

Jason Steele (6): Had barely anything to do. Lovely day at the seaside for Mr. Steele. The weather wasn’t great for a tan, though.

Joel Veltman (7): Solid work out wide, even if Rashford made it easy for him.

Jan Paul van Hecke (7): Did he score an own goal? It didn’t go down as one. Dealt with United’s attackers with ease throughout the game, was unfortunate for the deflection.

Lewis Dunk (6): Captain, Leader, Legend. Yeah, I will be honest; I don’t know what to write here. Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe *swear word*. Thanks a lot, HM; now I have to censor myself.

Jack Hinshelwood (6.5): Spawned from the depths to ruin my Barco FPL pick, now he’s not even at the club. Solid player, to be fair.

James Milner (6.5): He is 38, and playing like a demon. A little off the pace, as expected, but he was overall quite good today. Fair play, old man.

Billy Gilmour (6.5): Absolute work horse in midfield. Nothing major to shout about, but nothing negative either.

Yankuba Minteh (6.5): A nightmare for defenders. End product needs some work.

Joao Pedro (7): He did absolutely nothing all game. Then did absolutely everything in the last few minutes. Fairs.

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Kaoro Mitoma (7): The Japanese maestro is back. Electric.

Danny Welbeck (8): Was an absolute nuisance to deal with all game. Dat Guy Welbz is back. Excellent centre-forward play throughout the game. Scored, and he could have had another if his header was just a little lower.

Subs

Carlos Baleba (6): This Caicedo regen is yet to become exactly that.

Julio Enciso (6): Today I learned he is Paraguayan.

Simon Adingra (N/A): Good cross for the goal.

Georginio Rutter (N/A): Leeds, Leeds are falling apart again.

Yasin Ayari (N/A): Never heard of him; seems sound.

Manchester United

Andre Onana (6): Like Steele, had a nice seaside day out.

Noussair Mazraoui (7.5): Bargain of the window? Perhaps. Solid throughout the game, and put a lovely pass through for Amad’s goal.

Harry Maguire (5): Should have done better for Brighton’s goal. Let the ball run across the box for an easy tap-in. De Ligt is coming for your spot mate.

Lisandro Martinez (6): Decent shift. But the Butcher wasn’t the one with the dagger today…

Diogo Dalot (7): Made a goal line clearance against James Milner. Now read that back. Come on, folks, it is 2024. In general, he fought off Minteh well, even if the winger got the best of him on a couple occasions.

Casemiro (6.5): Is he rolling back the years? Probably not. But he was decent once again. Guess the football hasn’t left him just yet.

Kobbie Mainoo (7.5): At this point, I am going to be saying the same thing every week. You already know how he played.

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Amad Diallo (6.5): Missed a glorious chance and made a mess of another with a poor pass. Extenuating circumstances are at play, so I won’t be too harsh. Then he got the equaliser. Fair play.

Mason Mount (7.5): Had to be an injury as to why he came off. Everything good was coming through him for United. Set the press incredibly well. If it’s not an injury, what was Erik ten Heisenberg cooking?

Marcus Rashford (3): He does not look the same at all. Is he fit? At least last week, despite his poor performance, he showed his quality by creating some chances. In this game, he was anonymous.

Bruno Fernandes (6): As creative as ever, but not the most exhilarating performance from the United skipper.

Subs

Joshua Zirkzee (6): Has huge knees.

Alejandro Garnacho (6.5): He could have had a goal had Zirkzee decided to amputate his knee before the game.

Antony (N/A): Get his birth certificate. There is no way he is Brazilian. Absolute fidget spinner.