Rangers v Celtic – Time for Some Definitive Ratings

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The Celtic Star

·9 March 2026

Rangers v Celtic – Time for Some Definitive Ratings

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC RETURN TO THE MOUNTAIN…

“Perseverance, secret of all triumphs.” – Victor Hugo.

Referee Don Robertson and Viljami Sinisalo after Celtic won the Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

VINDALOO – 8.5/10 – Gentlemen – and laydeez… – we have a goalie. Acid test day #2. Particularly extreme lab conditions today given the lack of familiarity ahead of him in shape and capability; he watched his team-mates flounder and facilitate 24 shots and 2400 crosses to be fired in on top of him. He’s undoubtedly got the hands and cohoes for the Celtic keeper slot. Everything stuck, and what was punched stayed punched. Excellent timing and command of his box under severe pressure from a dozen deep corners.

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Showed the anticipation of a grizzly waiting for a leaping salmon to put in a nerve-shredding tackle outside his box to thwart a fortunate Zombie breakthrough. Icing on the Vindaloo was the masterful, rousing, vocal sledging of their penalty bottlers at the shootout, causing Tavpen and Gasbag to burst into tears and spitefully kick their attempts into the Onion Brats smelly enclosure behind Vinny’s goal. People might say Kasper’s finished. No, that’s the new goalie…

Thank you. I’m here all week. Well, next week.

Here the Unique Angle from Celtic TV…

Julian Araujo at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

AZTECO – 7.5/10 – Mad Bhoy. Loveable rogue who’s completely bought into the vibe during his time up here. Was the focus of diabolical Zombie attention all 120 minutes as they tried assassination, abuse and entrapment. He held his nerve, played his game; defended like a demon and pushed up when possible, which was rare. Wonderful ending to a torrid day for him – as the winning pen hooked in and players made for big Tam, the Cartel Agathe hared towards the Free Broomloan and his adopted new familia.

Auston Trusty scores his penalty. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 9/10 MOTM – Well, the word magnificent is seldom used accurately. Except among the ladies of old Prestwick town when Jamesy’s name comes up, curiously. This afternoon the maligned American powerhouse had his game of the season, among other fine contributions since his return from Rodgers-isolation. Slammed out of recent vital matches by the pathetic authorities for… Well, nothing at all really, here he was to haunt the scurrilous Zombies on their own patch. Physical, smart, towering; their forward line got the rough-housing they’d escaped last week, and we got extra insurance which surely won the game.

Not only that, the big lefty centre back stepped up and nonchalantly slotted home the pressure penalty of his career after 120 exhausting minutes performing a rearguard that’s had Davy Crockett requesting a Trusty Hat and Knife merchandise from the club shop. That word again – ‘magnificent’. Yup.

PENDRAGON – 7/10 – Bit louder than the EPL nobodies, big Bhoy? Took him a shaky little while to settle and to adjust his nausea given the surroundings and the offensive smell of ragin’ bigotry. Understandable. But when he was properly in tandem with the big Yank, timing and combat were effectively good. Quite an experience for him – the biggest contest of his career to date – which he ultimately handled quite admirably.

Liam Scales celebrates after Celtic won the Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

OF JUSTICE – 7.5/10 – Captain for the day, which seemed to annoy many online Playstation FIFA virgins, though God knows why; if there’s one cool (red) heid who can cut it in the heat of the Ninth Circle Of Hell, it’s the Ginger Baresi. Also asked to be the Magenta Maldini today and fill in at fullback. He shirks no task, however arduous. Lapses today were confined to the wings and miscommunication with his makeshift cohorts.

Mercifully, anything dangerous in the box was pinpointedly snuffed out by Liam as he excelled in thwarting the Zombies’ tactic of rolling up their berserkers at every opportunity for a high ball, of which there were more than I ever want to witness again. Played a proper Captain’s role in a memorable triumph.

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Luke McCowan at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 5.5/10 – Luke didn’t get much of a Luke-in for his torrid time on the park. Lukeing for too much time on the ball, he was guilty of being mugged in possession a couple of times that required bailing-out. He did toil away in that Calmac role but only succeeded in (hopefully) making Calmac’s perennial detractors acutely aware of how much we miss the skipper’s expertise and experience in setting tempo and midfield foundations with clever movement and short, sharp passing; which Luke was unable to emulate.

Reo Hatate at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

HAKUNA HATATE – 7.5/10 – Well, one of the last players on the bingo card for 120 minutes of slog and grit from this season, was Reo. But there he was – swamped, roughed, abused, but ultimately sticking it right up the silenced Zombies with a delicious ‘Whit?’ penalty celebration. This was the scrapping, footballing, matchwinning Reo Hatate of terrace song who seemed long lost and never more to be seen. Will he now prove to be the title run-in catalyst, much as Jamesy was two seasons ago?

Daizen Maeda celebrates as Benjamin chases. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

NEGAN – 5/10 – Well, you know he’s always going to be hanging around somewhere. Then again, Lord Lucan’s rumoured to be doing so too, but just more visibly than Negan…catches the boss between a rock and a hard place as to maintain his participation but there’s that habit of letting the ball bounce off him into the opponents net…Shocking thing today, and conversely his one redeeming contribution, was popping up in our six-yard box to hook a certainty away off the line.

Yang at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

YING – 5.5/10 – Well, no faulting the on and off (‘her’, and form…) Korean Jamesy for effort and commitment. Just a shame that we still don’t really know – on appearance 101 – if he’s capable of adding more flair to the dig. In his defence, today was all about hard graft. Which he gave.

Daizen scores before Andrew Dallas rules it out for a fake offside. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

LORD KATSUMOTO – 7.5/10 – Daizen on the hunt is a sight to behold. Bizarrely out of synch in the frozen North, Wednesday night, we had Mad Man Maeda of old charging down the Zombies and even being denied a long overdue goal for… ‘Reasons’, explained by VAR lines drawn on an Etch-A-Sketch (That was peak 70s tech, kids). On what may be his final visit to a favourite killing-field, he just emphasised that he’s a relentless bona fide ‘Skelper of some renown.

TUTANKHAMUN – 4/10 – Nah. The classic Mikey J Mordor outing. A lot of promise and expectation but ultimately, frustration. Better as an impact sub.

The Celtic support at Ibrox after Celtic won the Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

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SUBS –

Joel Mvuka at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

MARK VIDUKA – N/A – Anyone know what he’s doing? Nope, neither did he. But he did look like he enjoyed himself.

CARAVAN – 6/10 – No pace, no hold-up ability? Eh, and no service, really. Whatever the flaws in his game we’ve yet to thoroughly test, he’s got some real nerve and self-belief. Sweetest moment of the season, that perfectly-executed winning pen. Followed by his get-it-right-up-yeez interaction with the ragin’ Bears going up the tunnel.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

NEVILLE – 6.5/10 – Played, The Ox. Pitched in without the legs to quite handle the frenzy, yet some settling moments of his guile were welcome. And the experience and class to A) Volunteer, and then B) half-Panenka Buttman at his penalty was breathtaking. Top lad.

Paulo Bernardo at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

SAINT BERNARDO – N/A – Fair enough – big Paulo came on and got stuck in, taking a yellow and looking a positive addition.

James Forrest enjoying the Celtic celebrations at Ibrox after Celtic won the Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

JAMESY – 6/10 – So nearly rode them again; last week’s penalty-inducing wing-play was nearly eclipsed as Jamesy became the first Celt of the afternoon to hit a byline, and almost – almost – roasted them at the very death of extra-time with a burst through and cutback.

The Celtic support at Ibrox after Celtic won the Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

GREAT – 7/10 – Much maligned but full of fortitude. After a habitual swipe at the ball to concede a corner and have dire omens swirling about, he settled into the same groove as the rest of the defence, making some solid blocks, including one superb goal-saver.

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Martin O’Neill at the Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE – 7/10 – Daizen off? But no Scratchy on? What? But then we realised the boss was looking for surprises over legs at that point, rolling the dice because… Well, he had nothing else left-field to throw at them from a depleted squad. Except some inspiring leadership – his team talk before ET appeared intense; like an angry Grandpa insisting you don’t ride yer bike across his newly-seeded lawn.

This was only superseded by SOM’s rousing huddle talk before the penalty shootout, where he held court with fluttering hands casting spells and invoking the Gods, with some kind of mystical gypsy magic. Watch closely and you’ll see him swish and flare up his fingers – twice – as if releasing something unseen up into the air. Then the Zombies go an sky two pens…

…Cue the X-Files theme.

MIBBERY – 5/10 – Offside? Less offside than Negan at The Sheep… A thrilling moment for Damien on VAR, only to be followed by the crippling realisation that punching balls into the net also isn’t allowed on global TV broadcasts. Meanwhile, pitchside , The Don did his best to set up a flurry of Celtic red cards by booking every ugly Zombie in the hope of later ‘evening it up’. Which only ended in despair as the Hoops maintained discipline and The Don bottled it from at least two clear Rangers reds.

VAR Review on Daizen’s goal. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

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The Petrovs at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

OVERALL – 6.5/10 – And so it’s finally done. A stressful afternoon which dragged on so long that we ended up overlapping with the Marvel Spiderman Convention booked in for 4pm, and the celebrating pitch-side Bhoys had to put up being assailed with the vociferous complaints of a load of irate wee cosplaying web-heads. Then a fat redacted mess of a man tried to make a name for itself by attacking… An unknown member of the Celtic backroom staff. Which is pretty similar to Mark Chapman opting to gun down Pete Best’s milkman instead of John Lennon. Hopefully he’ll spend a few days getting passed round the jail like a used dirty mag.

Celtic team talk. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

So the Celtic reserves refused to do the honourable thing and lie down to wee furious Danny’s meisters elect. Instead we decided to continue last week’s rope-a-dope but take it to outrageous extremes: today it was the equivalent of a prizefighter sucker-punching his opponent as they stand beside the ref awaiting the points announcement.

Kieran Tierney and Callum McGregor at Ibrox. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

Four games in ten days, all away, and the Bhoys legs were showing it. But… Bologna, Stuttgart – precious learning experiences that made this afternoon’s defiance a muscle-memory second-nature exercise in stoicism as we matched the intensity of their pressure with clinical focus at the big defensive moments. Of which there were plenty. A marvellous result. A gleeful sunny March Sunday. A performance to be filed under ‘character’ and ‘baws’. But the best takeaway from the entire chaotic experience is again the belief rippling through the squad that they can get the job done in any adverse conditions.

Celtic celebrations after Tomas Cvancara scores the penalty that takes Celtic into the semi-finals. Scottish Cup quarter final on Sunday 8 March 2026. Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou

And on Saturday coming, THAT will be the only factor which matters.

Go Away Now

Sandman

Celtic in the Thirties by Matt Corr. Click on image to order