Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Deek’s Diets

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The Celtic Star

·8 December 2025

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Deek’s Diets

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v DEEK’S DIETS…

“And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal…” – ‘Nancy Bhoy’ by Placebo.

Oisin McEntee of Hearts beats Celtic goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel with a header and scores to give Hearts a 0-2 lead. Celtic v Hearts, Scottish Premiership, Football, Celtic Park, 07 December 2025. IMAGO Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6.5/10 – No calamity from Kasper as he was exposed like Jamesy’s third leg for both goals. Did his thing when he was counted on to defy them and provided the Celtic highlight of the day when he Panenka-ed the entire stadium with a perfect dinked clearance that triggered a few overly-sensitive souls’ anxiety complexes.

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Kieran Tierney and Celtic manager Wilfried Nancy are seen during the Premier League match between Celtic and Heart of Midlothian at Celtic Park on December 07, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

KATIE – 6/10 – Well, KT passed the isolation test, finding no problem playing in a back three and was solid enough, also providing the goal nobody in advanced positions could be bothered to…

Liam Scales of Celtic. Photo David Young (IMAGO)

OF JUSTICE – 5.5/10 – Liam was quiet, mainly because his big American cohort wouldn’t let him have a kick. When he did have it, his often precise passing failed to manifest and we never got the sweeping, forward changes of momentum he can bring. Did cope reasonably with Hearts’ skill-merchants.

Auston Trusty of Celtic is seen at full time during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Hearts at Celtic Park on December 07, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 7/10 MOTM – “It’s ma ball and you’ll only get a shot of it when I decide…” For the majority of the game – certainly the opening 45 – it felt like Austin v Celtic v Hearts. He had more touches than Prince Andrew at a high school prom and seemed our only, if not main, distribution channel. Both Man of the Match and flaw in the system – too easy to isolate and too far from his wide-man to guarantee igniting attacks with perfectly accurate balls every time; thus he had to take a few strides which gave them a chance to reset and cover. For a lefty in such a solo, specialised role, he did pretty well, though.

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Callum McGregor and new Celtic manager Wilfried Nancy during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Hearts at Celtic Park on December 07, 2025 . (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

CALMAC – 6/10 – For a while, the addition of extra midfield legs suited the skipper. He dominated the ball, had time to govern his territory and it did look a distinct probability he’d find the key at any time to open them up, and close their hopes. Alas, any great captain still needs his men around him performing to the best of their ability.

Celtic v Hearts – Scottish Premiership at Celtic Park on 07 December 2025 Benjamin Nygren and Hearts defender Harry Milne battle in the middle of the park IMAGO Photo James Christie

NEGAN – 3/10 – Why? He’s been a useful impact sub, but starting in this position has cost us already this season. 4th-best swede, MON said; I presume he was talking about turnips. If Negan had the quality, we’d have won – twice in succession he blipped a killer final ball, then came the fatal moment right after he’d been walking off the park, only to be reprieved and lose his man at a corner who headed their second goal.

HAKUNA HATATE – 5/10 – A confused Reo, seeing Negan trotting around in his favoured spaces. The effect was for Reo to drop deeper, become less potent, relieve pressure on Hearts’ backline and mean we lacked the penetration his drifting guile between lines can provide. Cracked the bar when he should have burst the net.

Celtic v Heart of Midlothian – Scottish Premiership at Celtic Park in Glasgow, Scotland on 07 December 2025 Hearts midfielder Oisin McEntee next to Arne Engels of Celtic. IMAGO photo James Christie

THE TERMINATOR – 4/10 – Where’s the confidence drained to? Bhoy was looking more gallus with every outing under MON but after an hour today his influence faded and his presence all but evaporated for a while when it was most required to get them under the knuckle. Did resurface later to miss a sitter, but the inconsistency which has marked his Celtic career was back to haunt him.

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Daizen Maeda of Celtic dejected at full-time. Final score Celtic 1 Heart of Midlothian 2. Celtic v Hearts. Scottish Premiership, Celtic Park, 07 December 2025 IMAGO Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

LORD KATSUMOTO – 5/10 – Right there with Negan for could-have-beens was Daizen blowing two great chances when clean through. Looking war-ready like he’d just been plucked from the Vietnamese jungle, it was obvious Daizen’s blistering pace had the measure of their high backline early on. Yet for… Reasons… we failed to play to that strength beyond the golden openings and he was left to scamper around fruitlessly for the remainder of the game.

Celtic v Hearts- Scottish Premiership at Celtic Park on 07 December 2025. Hearts midfielder Oisin McEntee battles with Celtic winger Sebastian Tounekti. IMAGO Photo James Christie

TUTANKHAMUN – 3.5/10 – TMJ – Tunisian Mikey Johnston – makes another blunt appearance down the wing. He appeared to be offering plenty on the ball, but with every check-back or lightweight brush-off, all we got were false hopes. Again.

Claudio Braga of Hearts scores the opening goal during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Hearts at Celtic Park on 7 December 2025. IMAGO Photo Malcolm Mackenzie, PSI

YING – 5/10 – He didn’t hide but didn’t inspire, either. Displayed a willingness to make things happen but not the ability to execute when he had the ball at his feet and possibilities appearing. May need a ride at this time of year to get him in the right groove if last season was anything to go by…

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SUBS –

KENNY JOHNNY – N/A – The whippet thrown on in the futile hope of causing them some whiplash but also found himself rebuked by their hardcore backline and dropping deeper to see any action.

Luke McCowan waits to come on. Celtic v Hearts, Scottish Premiership, Football, Celtic Park, 07 December 2025. IMAGO Photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 5/10 – Luke, a new boss to impress. And might’ve got a Luke in for future selection, if not by default, with his keen involvement, but which unfortunately didn’t lead to much.

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Celtic manager Wilfried Nancy is seen during the Premier League match between Celtic and Hearts at Celtic Park on December 07, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

LIONEL RICHIE – 5/10 – Hello, is it me you’re looking for? Well, not really, but seein’ as you’re in the door… Celtic manager. Black. French. Surname with effette connotations – he is surely the end-level boss of all Zombie phone-in callers. Whether he’ll get much time to disturb the disturbed will depend on his solitaire skills with that magnetic zombie-blue tactics whiteboard.

A welcome four in the midfield was hampered by a spartan three spread across the back, meaning no over-lappers getting beyond wingers clamped by maroon limpets. Thus, we were stunted when they faced up organised and eager to pick us one-on-one when we advanced at slow pace.

Maybe the overall tactical vibe is 3-4-3 with dynamic rotation of ball and spare midfielder but that’s a wish-list requiring specific instruction to players with the ability to implement it. Might think about starting his new regime by utilising our Portugal U-23 captain’s perfectly-designed, well-coached (at Benfica), disciplined style of play to enhance that midfield four, rather than heidless chicken Negan… Just sayin’.

Referee Don Robertson Celtic v Hearts Scottish Premiership, Celtic Park, 07 December 2025. IMAGO photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

MIBBERY – 5/10 – The Don. Smiling through the rain as his Beautiful Sunday played out and he got to witness a pseudo-zombie triumph first-hand. Didn’t need to get out of second gear; just a brief flurry of yellows to salt the wound and home for roasted sub-continental war-orphan and tatties.

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Celtic Chief Executive Michael Nicholson and Celtic Chief Financial Officer Chris Mackay in the directors box. Celtic v Hearts, Scottish Premiership, Celtic Park, 07 December 2025. IMAGO photo Stuart Wallace Shutterstock

OVERALL – 4/10 – Does anyone have MON on speed-dial? A worryingly punchless start to the reign of an eclectic, possibly eccentric, and ultimately loquaciously-baffling new Pope. Celtic started with decent verve, dominated, pressured, threatened to dissect and overwhelm them. But the intensity dissipated, then the players began to look a little bemused, leading to Captain Calmac engaging in a game of Rebound to see who got to call the shots on-field, after the tactics whiteboard simply spelled out ‘Mowbray’ in braille for the latter part of the game.

Sack the Board protest at Celtic v Hearts match on 7 December 2025. Photo IMAGO

We finished clueless and pointless in a stadium that was lifeless, many resigned to the grim realisation we’re back at square one with an unknown quantity trying to prove the job’s not too big or too alien for him to handle. Bang in the middle of a season where the title’s on the line and there’s a few pretenders to the throne showing up to take a swing at glory.

No pressure and no worries, then.

Aaaye…

Go Away Now

Sandman

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