You fear for Fulham as defensive hot mess gifts Crystal Palace first win | OneFootball

There’s always a rush to pronounce the end of summer at the beginning of September, matched only in 2026 by declarations of concern for Fulham and Crystal Palace.

Never mind the sun-kissed pictures from Craven Cottage, with scores of bare arms seen in the crowd. The demands for a fresh narrative must be met.

But it’s worth considering how the consensus that two established Premier League teams are suddenly looking over their shoulder came about.

Some of these doom-laden predictions have come from pure conviction; glass-half-empty loyalists at both clubs who believe the good times scientifically must end soon.

But more have originated from the very thing that afflicts British media across the spectrum; the desire to be the cleverest person in the room.

It simply wouldn’t do just to say the three promoted clubs will get relegated, a take destined to be lost in the depths of the doomscroll. Better to nominate a Premier League stalwart and condemn them on the flimsiest of pretexts.

As a result, a new groupthink opinion has emerged. Fulham and Palace are officially in danger. By trying to stand out from the crowd, several of us have revealed just how identikit we are.

But there’s no smoke without fire. Both came into Saturday’s match with zero points and new managers still unfamiliar to Our League, not yet pigeonholed for the convenience of a surface-level take.

The Cottagers were awful at Sunderland last week, losing 1-0 in a powderpuff performance with the cutting edge of cheese.

They’ve backed Alvaro Arbeloa, buying three fringe players from Real Madrid and retaining their biggest stars.

Meanwhile, Palace were David Moyesed at Everton before inviting Manchester City for a medieval joust and arming themselves with a toothpick. Losing 4-1 that night was probably merciful.

Pierre Sage has been asked to repair the Palace aeroplane at 30,000 feet. Neither Jean-Philippe Mateta nor Ismalia Sarr played here after failing to engineer summer exits.

Both sides are settled in the division, with the eight-figure signings and highly-paid squads to match. But it only takes one bad summer to jeopardise that status and the concern is that such a misstep has already occurred.

Happily, the spectre of relegation was far from evident in a pleasant first half. Palace diced with danger playing out from the back, almost teeing up Fulham twice before the home team took the lead.

Oscar Bobb’s cross was miscontrolled by the much-touted Adam Wharton into the path of Josh King. Already on Thomas Tuchel’s radar, who was enjoying hospitality in the executive stand, King jinked through and hit a deflected shot past Dean Henderson.

Palace’s response was immediate, Yeremy Pino pinging a brilliant outside-of-the-boot cross into Daichi Kamada’s path. 1-1. Or it was, until VAR intervened for an especially killjoy offside.

VAR’s intrusion wasn’t the only unwelcome reminder of our era at one of English football’s most timeless grounds.

Some horrific ‘AI for Lawyers’ advertisement flashed up on the hoardings and we were once again reminded of how the technology’s inevitability has been entirely engineered into consensus.

By coincidence, Arbeloa looked and dressed like a Magic Bean tech bro on the touchline. His hair and beard are suspiciously black, like Luis Figo in his Just for Men era. Sage was admirably resisting the box-fresh white trainer revolution next to him, with a beige pair on his feet.

Palace continued to pepper the Fulham goal with long shots and their equaliser felt like just reward.

Possibly frustrated at the wastefulness of his colleagues, Tyrick Mitchell barged through and thrashed his shot high past Bernd Leno.

The normally reliable Joachim Andersen was at fault, ambling over towards Mitchell and making a lackadaisical attempt to stop his shot.

But Fulham went into half-time ahead, Cesar Palacios on hand to ram home the rebound after Henderson stopped Gonzalo Garcia’s clever flick.

The second Palace equaliser was gloriously shambolic, the type to make your dad smack their lips and reminisce about the Good Old Days.

Garcia’s clearance cannoned off Mitchell and rolled at snail’s pace over the goalline. The Fulham striker attempted to rectify the damage, but produced a Charlie Brown-esque airkick in vain.

The game was now anybody’s, a golden opportunity for a first league win dangling in front of both teams.

Ultimately, the day was seized by the darkest of horses. Ben Chilwell snuck back to the Premier League on deadline day, swapping Strasbourg for Selhurst Park, and netted a low finish past Leno.

The Palace fans, including one bucket-hatted pensioner with alarmingly few teeth, celebrated with a visual exhale of breath.

Fulham huffed and puffed, producing half-chances at best, before the final whistle. Three defeats from three is undoubtedly a sub-optimal start to the Arbeloa era.

The quality going forward was there in flashes, although Garcia looks an ill-advised buy on this showing, but the defending was a hot mess. Their next game is at Anfield.

Even with the caveat of its inherent absurdity, the temperature has probably risen a little on Arbeloa. Sage has the raw materials to keep Palace comfortably mid-table.

There’s a danger with both of these clubs that Premier League status stops becoming the consequence of good decisions and switches to becoming the sole ambition of each club, leading to increasingly chaotic choices.

Eschewing the same old choices to replace both Marco Silva and Oliver Glasner is admirable, but also has the feel of a decision to rue on a cold Tuesday night at Ewood Park while sitting 19th in the Championship.

On the evidence of a sunny afternoon at Craven Cottage, .