EXCLUSIVE: Manchester United still obviously aren’t signing Cole Palmer | OneFootball

A ‘final call’ has been made on whether Manchester United will target Cole Palmer this summer – and it looks awfully familiar.

Almost 100 days have passed since the same journalist brought us an EXCLUSIVE on the future of the Chelsea playmaker.

And Paul Scholes will not back down so don’t try and make him.

Unai reverse

‘NO WONDER they call it the UEL – it’s the Unai Emery League’ – Martin Lipton, The Sun.

‘They’ love calling it the UEL. You simply cannot move for people calling it the UEL. Offices are rife with people asking their colleagues whether they saw the big UEL game last night.

No-one, of course, is talking about how Crystal Palace fared in the UECL. That would be absurd.

Crossed wires

Spot the moment when Jeremy Cross lost the will to live while writing his UEL match report for the Daily Mirror:

To be fair, the sight of Victor Lindelof dictating a major European semi-final in big 2026 would knock anyone completely off their stride.

Palm reading

Cross is also here with the Daily Mirror inside scoop on Manchester United’s transfer plans:

How intriguing. The Cole Palmer to Manchester United thing had basically died down with everyone under the assumption that it wouldn’t be happening for a variety of reasons, ranging from the cost of such a move to the presence of Bruno Fernandes.

And as it happens, ‘Manchester United have ruled out a summer move for Cole Palmer’ because ‘it would be hard for United to justify financially’ and ‘United are also confident of keeping Bruno Fernandes’.

Grand. Nothing wrong with stating the obvious sometimes. It has definitely been reported on as if it could happen so good to clarify it won’t.

The only problem is this article from January 29. Written for the Daily Mirror. By Jeremy Cross:

It turns out that it was declared three months ago that ‘Manchester United will not be signing Cole Palmer this summer’ because ‘the England and Chelsea star is out of the club’s price range’ and they will likely ‘spend whatever it takes to keep Bruno Fernandes on an extended deal’ instead.

Not sure why that EXCLUSIVE from 99 days ago had to be recycled into a ‘final call on Cole Palmer transfer’ by the same writer with precisely no new information whatsoever, but fair enough.

Controversy creates cash

The Reach PLC titles know precisely what they are doing with these headlines, by the way:

‘Man Utd boss Michael Carrick ‘disappointed’ at controversial Man City decision’ – Daily Mirror website.

‘Michael Carrick ‘disappointed’ as Man Utd boss reacts to controversial Man City call’ – Daily Express website.

They are not wrong. Michael Carrick is “disappointed” and did react to a controversial thing involving Manchester City. But again, it is a deliberate choice to use such vague language around a ‘controversial Man City decision/call’. Any mention of a ‘controversial Man City decision/call’ since February 2023 is an intentional and calculated nod to the ongoing 115-charge nonsense, which automatically attracts more clicks due to the ridiculousness of the delay in reaching any sort of verdict.

Every other outlet references the FA Youth Cup final – the actual source of this particular Manchester City-based controversy – in the headline.

Own Scholes and gaffes

Elsewhere on the Daily Mirror website, ‘Paul Scholes refuses to back down on Arsenal after being laughed at by Ian Wright’.

By the first paragraph, not only does Scholes ‘refuse to back down’ – he now in fact ‘has doubled down’ and ‘was not about to back away from his position’.

It’s all great stuff for some quotes in which Scholes literally says “I have had a little bit of a rethink” before backing down a fair bit.

Write those wrongs

‘Forget the Ballon d’Or – but there is one accolade Bruno Fernandes deserves’ – Andy Dunn, Daily Mirror, April 23 (spoiler: that ‘one accolade’ was at least one of the myriad Footballer of the Year awards).

‘David Raya would be a very unlikely Footballer of the Year – but a very worthy one’ – Andy Dunn, Daily Mirror, May 8.

Can someone please start a petition to prevent football writers writing about who should win awards voted for by football writers?

Party poopers

‘Man City players party until 1.30am 24 hours after handing Arsenal title advantage’ – Daily Mirror website.

You mean they didn’t cancel Bernardo Silva and John Stones’ leaving do to mark a decade’s worth of service, just because they drew a game?

Just Joshing

‘Exeter City release SIX players including Euro 2016 star after relegation on final day’ – The Sun website.

After triple-checking that Renato Sanches hadn’t dropped down to League One, Mediawatch is happy to adjudicate on the ‘Euro 2016 star’ credentials of Josh Magennis.