Madueke bad at everything, Kane embarrassing and Tuchel weird to snub Man Utd star | OneFootball

England are through to a World Cup semi-final, but Harry Kane was an ’embarrassment’ and Noni Madueke was ‘spectacularly bad’ vs Norway.

Jude needs to ‘shut the f*** up’ and Madueke is ‘spectacularly bad’

That game was weird in massively diverse ways. I’m slightly hazy given the heat, the hour, and the libation intake, so bear with, but did England not spend a couple of fairly lengthy spells making Norway look like Barcelona? And did I not also have a VERY strange experience for a man whose first proper world cup memories are from ’86: a calm and secure certainty that Norway wouldn’t look remotely like scoring for the last 10 of a knock out game we were winning by a nose in extra time?

All that said, wtf was Sorloth playing at there? There were a whole series of instants within the space of about 5 seconds when he could and should have squared it to Haaland. He absolutely must have seen him, which points to a level of selfishness that would make Mo Salah blush.

Speaking of which, Bellingham picking a public fight with his manager straight after a game like that at this stage of a world cup is either unbelievable stupidity or Jude’s competitive spirit extending to having to top Sorloth’s self-indulgence. Seriously Jude, just shut the fuck up and play football, you’re quite good at it.

Oh, and that Spence penalty call was another example of VAR subtly changing the fabric of the game for the worse. Spence put his leg in just about the only place he could do to legitimately try to shield the ball, their player went through it as a result. That’s a clear penalty, and Turpin was as right as he was emphatic when he gave it on-field. It definitely wasn’t a clear and obvious error, and there was nothing in the replays that merited it being overturned. Spence didn’t dive. He still put his leg in the only place it could go to shield the ball. The fact that this place was also exactly where it needed to be in order to be kicked means nothing. I believe you are still allowed, and in many cases encouraged, to put yourself between your opponent and the football. RHT/TS x (Madueke is so spectacularly bad at pretty much everything, it’s almost impressive)

Some love for Jude

Another England match, another night (day) where we had to dig in. We were not at our best but fair play to the lads, some of them were incredible.

None more so than Jude Bellingham. This guy is my favourite England player by a country mile. He always delivers. I just want to give him the accolade he deserves.

The header at the 2022 World Cup, the overhead kick at the 2024 Euros, and the hold up play to let Cole Palmer score in that final. This World Cup: the goal against Croatia, the two against Mexico, the two against Norway.

Jude rises to the challenge. He’s just one of those players. He’s so talented but more than that, he has an extraordinary competitive edge that nudges him in front of the rest.

To be honest, he looks like he would rather die than win. He’s confident, full throttle, arrogant even. He’s the man you need (alongside Kane) to tip the balance in your favour. To me, he epitomises everything that is good about England right now.

We are in a World Cup semi final for only the second time in my life. When I was 16 and first writing in, it was at the tail end of the 2010 World Cup/2012 euros/2014 World Cup debacle. I remember thinking at that time: we’ll never make it past the quarters.

Well here we are. Another semi-final. Let’s enjoy this F365. I hope that no matter who you are – F365 writers, mailbox contributors, editors and commenters alike – are feeling how I am. Proud of the lads. Jack, 32, London

Thomas Tuchel’s ‘weird’ snub of Kobbie Mainoo

I’ll just start with this: Tuchel’s refusal to play Mainoo has basically reached the threshold of “just a bit weird” now. Injured players, players out of position, players all over the place, ceding control or consistently not delivering? No worries, keep doing anything but play the lad. Anderson had a good game, but Rice was clearly not fit and on a yellow. Why bother taking him if you’re never going to pick him?

Next up: Kane. He was an embarrassment throughout the match, between diving, asking for penalties for nothing, trying to get opponents carded for nothing. If that was an opponent – say, Ronaldo, Messi or Mbappe – commentators would be a lot more vocal. But it’s Lord Kane, so no criticism. Shameful captaincy.

Pickford, proving the doubters right? I like the lad but pulling your hand from a cross shot that flies in? Not a good look.

Another game where we have people providing the biggest threat by crossing but with their weak foot. Imagine how much better they’d be with their strong foot! Just have them switch sides, at least occasionally for Pete’s sake. Mind you, I felt for Saka who delivered a peach after a nice dribble that no one even tried to get to.

Let’s end on a positive note, considering the result: Bellingham is an absolute beast of a player, carrying this side and halfwit manager, dragging us past rank 31. And to think there was chat about not taking him. What a player that lad is though. At least we have one world class player on the pitch. Badwolf

Why England are not performing at their best

Crikey Tuchel gave a post match interview for the ages! But, as Roy Keane said, can England play better? Do we need to? If Tuchel thinks they can why aren’t they? There has to be a bit of culpability there, my guess is that they’ve not played enough together, all that chopping and changing in the qualies may bite us eventually. That said, Bellingham makes anything possible, even his tap in was classy. Hearing people liken him to Gerrard and Scholes is way off, he is up there with Zidane – and the lad is English!

So another semi-final. Southgate truly transformed our national team, the youth system has produced some absolute belters, Anderson looks better every game. I do think we are missing 2 proper full backs, I’m not sure I have ever seen James put a good cross in. Spence also deserves a shout, he’s made an impact whenever he has come on.

We’ve got this far playing some fairly mediocre football, at the onset of the tournament I thought we’d have to beat Senegal, Portugal, Brazil and Argentina to get to the final, it’s turned out to be much kinder but Murphy’s law means that the one game we turn up in, we lose! France 22 anyone?

Lastly, Such a shame the semi is on bbc – ITV gets my watch whoever is in the final. Keane, Neville and Wrighty are insightful and entertaining without giving off the Sky boys club vibes, while the BBC seem to have embraced it! Tom, and oh VAR!

Also, watching the ITV punditry team analysing the post match interviews and whether England can play better, they are forgetting that lots of famous victories happen after terrible performances. Basically every time an English team wins the Champions League. This performance WAS mentality, in the words of Tuchel. Ash, TRFC, Liverpool (mentality and aura)

Feeling zero tension watching England

It’s full time, 1-1. I still England winning this. But why are the commentators constantly telling me how tense it is? Boring, tedious, frustrating yes but I feel zero tension. I’m just annoyed someone (anyone?!) couldn’t score a goal in that second half to put me out of my misery. Isn’t this why we wanted Southgate out? Ashmundo

The cable

Well I was going to talk about how rubbish we were and how we will have to improve ten fold if we have to play Argentina in the semis. But I’m too busy laughing at desperate bitter Scotland fans saying the game should be replayed because he ball hit the camera wire in the lead up to Bellingham’s winning goal. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Dan, London

Crooked FIFA

Whether or not you think they should be – France got a pen when one of their players did the sam thing as Spence for our overturned pen, and that foul on Kane has been given in other games. And the problem is – now we know they’re crocked it’s perfectly justifiable to say this is happening because they hate us. At the very least the burden of proof is now FIFAs.

“Back and to the left. Back and to the left” Jim Garrrison, Muswell Hill

Match fixing to get the Argies/Messi into the final is happening right before our eyes, every game, and we’re all going to pretend we don’t see it?

It won’t come home actually. FIFA and that bald Infantile won’t allow it, will they.

41 years I’ve believed. I still do. Just need a new governing body to let football take its natural course. Corruption is for mc grindah, not the World Cup.