Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Outer Jibrovia

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The Celtic Star

·26 de agosto de 2025

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Outer Jibrovia

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ OUTER JIBROVIA…

“Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is an insanity” – Albert Einstein

Kasper Schmeichel of Celtic Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Football, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 Aug 2025Almaty Almaty Central Stadium Kazakhstan Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6.5/10 MOTM – Didn’t put a foot, or fist, wrong, even when his own skipper attempted to score past him. Tried his best to sledge their pen takers but they had the edge in that the majority of them knew exactly how to kick a ball into the net from 12 yards… Unstoppably.

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TONY THE TIGER – 6/10 – A rare battler. Took a thundering, gave as good himself. They aimed to exploit AJ’s absence all game but the reliable Brickie was a rare, stoic asset.

KATIE – 4/10 – Again, he couldn’t get it going when it mattered and again we really needed his quality and experience to count. Insert remorseful head shake here…

Liam Scales of Celtic Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Football, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 Aug 2025 Almaty Almaty Central Stadium Kazakhstan Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

OF JUSTICE – 5.5/10 – Well done, Liam. In fact, thank Ghod for Liam; shaky few opening minutes then setteld into competence and authority. And thank goodness someone did; One we could depend on when it got fiery. Like his heid.

GET CARTER – 2/10 – Shocking. Last week was an abberration, this week was a disgrace. Twice he almost cost us dear; that distracted focus and eye off the ball may be a symptom of the coaching – some players need to be prompted more, given that sense of urgency and purpose to stay 100% tuned to the proceedings. His casual moments – again – tonight epitomised the overall approach.

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CALMAC – 3/10 – I’m loathe to slaughter the skipper. Why? Because I pointed out how Kairat swamped him last week and stifled his influence on the game. And they did it again. With no counter. And, boy, was he shaken; hustled into numerous faults, nearly crowned it with an OG. But… Leadership quality to bury his pen. Yet his isolation and persecution was all down to failed tactical set-up. Which we persevered with for 165 minutes of this tie… I just wish Calmac had said, ‘To hell with it’ and re-shaped the midfield himself. Takes a good mutiny to set things aright…

Benjamin Nygren of Celtic Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Football, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 Aug 2025Almaty Almaty Central Stadium Kazakhstan. Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

NEGAN – 3.5/10 – Close, but no cigar. Threatened to exploded into life a couple of times but spent most of his game bouncing around an overcrowded cul-de-sac of a middle, unable to cut loose.

Reo Hatate of Celtic applauds Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Football, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 Aug 2025Almaty Almaty Central Stadium Kazakhstan Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

HAKUNA HATATE – 3/10 – As with Negan, they cancelled one another out within these tactics; as evident last week. Thank goodness we were able to address that with sharp coaching and go and smash this mob. Not. Where was Gav and his laptap…

Yang Hyun-Jun of Celtic Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 August 2025Almaty Almaty Central Stadium Kazakhstan Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

YING – 2/10 – Like Saturday, he took a while to burst into life. Then died out like a moth head-butting a halogen.

Daizen Maeda of Celtic reacts to missing an opportunity Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Football, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 August 2025. Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

LORD KATSUMOTO – 3/10 – Ah, dear Ghod. With Daizen, he’s always a couple of kicks from being a hero. How my heart sank tonight as he passed up THE chance of the tie, THE moment we’d waited for. Would we have wanted anyone else racing through on the keeper with three minutes left?

…Kyogo, but that’s another sorry tale.

As for the penalty, a sign of Daizen’s dislocation; not the Daizen of last term, or even previous. May not be long for this Celtic wonderland now…That window’s closing and the suits have just lost their seats at the CL banquets. Going to have to raise a kitty for Just Eats Maccie D’s deliveries…

JAMESY – 4/10 – Use the heid, Jamesy! No, not that one… Yer big one…So nearly a startling opener from the Prestwick Pele, probably the worst man to get on the end of a high ball. But he was close, give him that. A strenuous trip, given he picked up another eight wives and five lawsuits over backdated child support from a Karagandy lawyer who threw them as paper aeroplanes out the bored crowd. But Jamesy tried, though we never used him at all. Because that would have involved kicking the ball forward.

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SUBS –

Brendan Rodgers manager of Celtic talks with their players before being substituted on Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Football, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 Aug 2025Almaty Almaty Central Stadium Kazakhstan Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

DUNCAN IDAHO – 4/10 – Of course. Of course it had to happen to him. Showed a good bit of promise during his time on, never quite got the service to exploit. Maybe he was going to be the hero of the hour, you wondered. Then he stepped up for the multi-million penalty… Yep. All went as expected.

GREAT – 5.5/10 – I worried, but the kid was just fine. Pass marks for being unfazed and appearing lively while senior players around you seemed stoned, mostly.

THE TERMINATOR – 5/10 – Game changing? Should have been. The midfield balance in games of this magnitude requires Arne beside the Captain to offset the workload and provide an extra dimension opponents can’t contain. But we also require better deliveries; let himself down too may times, yet DID bring the dominance we needed. As someone pointed out in ratings after the first leg. Took his penalty with the arrogance and killer instinct under pressure that we required for both legs from everyone in a hooped jersey.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 2/10 – Luke. Don’t Luke, just hit it in the net. God damn. Big lines, fluffed.

MELLOW YELLOW – 5/10 – Another kid, another pass. Somehow also able to approach without fear, try to build, to open them up. If only it had been infectious.

Brendan Rodgers manager of Celtic Kairat Almaty v Celtic, UEFA Champions League, Play-Off Round, Second Leg, Football, Almaty Central Stadium, Almaty, Kazakhstan – 26 Aug 2025Almaty Almaty Central Stadium Kazakhstan Photo Nikita Bassov/Shutterstock

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THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 1/10 – Poor Brendan. He’s only had the two seasons to craft and coach a squad out of the 40 million bucks he’s spent. How can the cruel among us expect him to take on and beat Khazakstan’s finest, who’ll go on to challenge The Zombies CL record for pumpings…If tonight proved anything, it’s that he’s very much not the ‘elite’ manager the Brendanistas will be crying over for the next fortnight of pro-Brodge, anti-board propaganda. The idea’s being floated that transfers like Idah/Engels/Trusty are nothing to do with the embattled boss…

LOL, Riiiight.

So your elite manager doesn’t get player transfers run past him at all? Sure, buddy. Kind of comically contradicts the ‘elite’ bit… And also has me reaching round to see if the zip’s slipped down my back. He’s a grifter. A good one, who coaches well. But not much more.

Certainly not when a maniac like me can point out last week’s midfield tactical flaw and then watch it played out allllll over again for 75 minutes (SEVENTY FIVE MINUTES AFTER NINETY MINUTES WITNESSING THE SAME PATTERNS LAST WEEK…) of tepid ineptitude. The irony being that his star buy had to wait until that point to finally get in tandem with Calmac and THEN we had a grip on the game. Until his star bhoy stepped up for a penalty…

So another one slips away, CL glory gone to the hungry minnows and fair play to them. They rolled the dice; double sixes. Feels a lot like Athens first time around for The Brodge. He eventually quit, and if he’s the smart shark we suspect, the notion won’t be far away tonight when he knows much of the fanbase venom will be seeking the veins of the entitled freeloaders in the comfy seats.

There’s alway a time in a mangerial reign when the bottom line is drawn; and here we are. A side set up to be harried out of rhythm, bullied and picked off. A mindset atuned to possession, caution and passive football. After last season’s expansive thrills, we regress to myopic blundering and timid failure. Was that a committee decision over an oak table, behind wood-panelled walls? Nope. That was down to one man.

MIBBERY – 6/10 – Italian gits. Fall down, foul. Roll around, time-wasting; blind eye turned. Donkeys.

OVERALL – 2/10 – Two for the penalties we actually did score. From top to bottom the Celtic summer drama has been an embarrassing soap opera of rumour, accusation, promise and disappointment, climaxing tonight in the almost inevitable grind into obscurity in the most obscure of European venues. This was everything worse about Rodgers’ Celtic. No purpose, no tempo, no desire to seize the game and slap down an insolent opponent; who’d had their measure taken last week and probably couldn’t believe they were getting away with the same tactics AGAINST the same tactics; deliberate, mono-paced tikki-takka designed to take the sting out of opponents and the joy out of football.

Our problem was we didn’t NEED to take the sting out of them. We simply needed to treat them at the level they are – Aberdeen/Hibs/St.Mirren, etc, etc. Once the midfield balance was fixed – Engels in beside Calmac, Reo advanced alone with more space to manouvre in – we had them pinned in like the SPL journeymen they truly resemble. Yet we didn’t have the legs or inventive energy left to find the killer touch. An incredible way to exit the tournament every player dreams of playing in – without a real scrap or focussed effort. Passion and fire sacrificed for banality and containment. Where was the bravery at this level? What had we learned from last season?

We went out like cowards against a side waiting for a hiding, who sat back and hoped against hope for the final hour of normal and extra time. ‘Leave it all on the pitch’ is the footballers’ cliche. What did we leave out in the arse-end of nowhere? Hopes and ambitions. A few shrugs and sighs. No blood. No thunder. What a waste.

The good ship Celtic founders on the far Eastern rocks and washes up in the Europa League. This Wild Rover needs a mutiny or two – one in the dressing room and one in the boardroom or we’ll be sinking towards Conference level within a couple of games. Champions League? We were having a laugh.

So, in summary, almost as last week, but much worse – torpid mince with a fatal bite.

Go Away Now

Sandman

Celtic in the Eighties by David Potter. Foreword by Danny McGrain. Published on Celtic Star Books on 5 September 2025. Click on image to pre-order.

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