Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Tommyknockers | OneFootball

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v TOMMYKNOCKERS

“Take a deep breath and focus on what’s really important.” – Wayne Dyer.

Daizen Maeda celebrates with Kasper Schmeichel. Celtic v Kilmarnock, Scottish Premiership Celtic Park, 9 November 2025. Photo Mark Runnacles IMAGO /Shutterstock

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 7/10 – Now THAT’S a save! Almost better than Thursday, this time with added treachery from Liam, nicking it over him with spin like Shane Warne. But the old man’ reflexes were still sharp as Austin Trusty’s cup semi-final studs and he pulled off miraculous fingertip defiance to keep us ahead. That crucial save was the highlight of another solid outing, capping safe handling all round and a clean sheet to defy his recent critics.

Marcelo Saracchi of Celtic is injured during the Premiership match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

SCRATCHY – N/A – Is Lennoxtown built over a cursed Injun burial ground? In timely coincidence we’ve now lost more men than they did on the first day of the Somme. If Celts continue to fall at the current rate then I’ll be looking out my boots again, and some of you will, too. Ghod help us.

Jahmai Simpson-Pusey of Celtic and Zac Williams of Kilmarnock. Celtic v Kilmarnock, Scottish Premiership Celtic Park, 9 November 2025. Photo Mark RunnaclesIMAGO /Shutterstock

PUSEY PATROL – 5.5/10 – Finally the Citeh kid with the Finbar Saunders surname gets to make his debut, meaning Jamesy has to be nowhere near the squad for… Reasons…And he took time to relax; understandable given the only football he’s seen in four months has been on his Playstation. Bit shaky overall, no upgrade on what we’ve seen to date with anyone else in the role, but kudos for going out on a promising high with a formidable wipeout tackle just before he was hooked.

Celtic players observe a one minute silence for Remembrance Day Celtic v Kilmarnock, Scottish Premiership Celtic Park, 9 November 2025. Photo Mark Runnacles IMAGO /Shutterstock

OF JUSTICE – 6/10 – Better from Liam, though not quite Ginger Baresi levels of excellence as Killie’s lively frontline pulled him around for a while. But he didn’t crack under interrogation, – unlike Lee Wallace – and maintained composure when it counted to maintain the zero. Helped of course, by a Trusty defensive partner, every flaming pun intended…

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Kieran Tierney of Celtic is congratulated by team mates after he scores his team’s second goal during the Premiership match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 8/10 MOTM – This is what we bought him for; taking care of SPL canon fodder with the calm and ease of the Big Lebowski at a ‘bowling and blow’ festival. When he exerts his natural athleticism he’s streets ahead in pitch coverage and presents a useful countering weapon – witness the sprightly interception around our box to stop a breakaway second-half, then his Jinky-channeling foray up the wing, breezing past a couple of their stiffs to turn defence into attack. And all done by this lefty down the RIGHT WING, employing some use of his RIGHT PEG… Oh, the imbalance… Do one, Brendan…

Callum McGregor celebrates with Auston Trusty. Celtic v Kilmarnock, Scottish Premiership Celtic Park, 9 November 2025. Photo Mark Runnacles. IMAGO /Shutterstock

CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Special player, special phychological makeup. Confining Thursday’s torment to the ‘redundant’ file, the skipper faced up to the Ayrshire Zombie dogs with rejuvenated attitude and positive expectations, all reflected in his priming and prompting; using his natural footballing instincts to fine-tune the rotations and get the best out of…

Johnny Kenny of Celtic celebrates with Reo Hatate after scoring the opening goal during the match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

HAKUNA HATATE – 7/10 –…This guy… Finally, a match in which Reo takes centre stage instead of drifting in from the periphery. And as Calmac sorted the spaces, Reo inhabited them with ideal presence, finding his touch and passing range to put in his best display in some time; early signs with his witty bit of recovery to set up the first, maintained until deep in the game, pinging the passes to tire the opposition.

Luke McCowan of Celtic and Tom Lowery of Kilmarnock Celtic v Kilmarnock, Scottish Premiership, Celtic Park, 9 November 2025. Photo Mark Runnacles IMAGO/Shutterstock

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 5.5/10 – Lukes less likely every time Luke’s promising… This was a big opportunity for Luke to hold a starting jersey but he failed to impact after a lively opening and like previous games he faded without enough standout input to merit a consecLuketive selection.

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Daizen Maeda of Celtic scores his team’s third goal during the Premiership match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025.(Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6.5/10 – Jesus H, Daizen , there’s nothing like polarisation – the hair typhoon-blown forward instead of slicked, the boots on the wrong feet as he back-heeled an open net after Plug from the Bash Street Kids dropped the ball in front of him. Then the booking – more later – but all eclipsed later in true Daizen style with a devastating run and finish to kill the mongrels stone-dead and seal the points. The fact he missed an identical run-and-shot minutes later can be overlooked. Because we love Daizen. Because he’s mental.

Johnny Kenny opens the scoring. Celtic v Kilmarnock, Scottish Premiership Celtic Park, 9 November 2025. Photo Mark Runnacles IMAGO /Shutterstock

KENNY JOHNNY – 6.5/10 – Okay, another notched, this time a blastering rocket…Yet there’s always the notion that JK can do better, score for fun utilising that pace and the edge it gives him. But he’s still learning, so to speak, even if it’s a course that needs completed and passed by next May; and he’s doing alright through various tests, and a few trials by fire.

Kieran Tierney of Celtic is congratulated by team mates after he scores his team’s second goal during the Premiership match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

TUTANKHAMUN – 6/10 – He’s so close to NOT being the Tunisian Mikey J it can hurt your gums as you grind your teeth willing him to apply the finish, the final ball, the uplifting finale to some fanciful footwork. And he was close to doing it a few times today; just not quite close enough.

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SUBS –

Kieran Tierney of Celtic scores his team’s second goal during the Premiership match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

KATIE – 7/10 – Terrific impact from the maligned legend. He’s been struggling since returning with barely a few flashes of the KT of lore. But moments like his daisy-cutter revive the glory days, and expectations surge that he’ll find a groove and not look back.

Yang celebrates with Daizen Maeda. Celtic v Kilmarnock, Scottish Premiership Celtic Park, 9 November 2025. Photo Mark RunnaclesIMAGO /Shutterstock

YING – N/A – Still Yanging around? Managed to win a penalty at the death when being hauled back as he made a run for Birmingham.

Daizen Maeda of Celtic celebrates with team mate Benjamin Nygren of Celtic after he scores his team’s third goal during the Premiership match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

NEGAN – N/A – MON’s patience seems to have run out on the ethereal presence of the Swedish Martin Hayes. Had a brief glimpse of goal when he appeared, but.. . You know the rest…

Arne Engels of Celtic celebrates after he scores his team’s fourth goal from the penalty spot during the Premier ship match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE TERMINATOR – 6.5/10 – Well, that’s how to re-assert your claim to the starting jersey; sensational assist for our third and a perfectly-dispatched penalty beyond the lengthy grasp of Plug (that’s what happens when you let McCausland get friendly with giraffes). If only young Arne would realise what he’s capable of and reproduce it on a regular basis.

TONY THE TIGER – N/A –  Tony known now as ‘the straight Tom Daly’… But to make amends: Anything Arne can do… Tony reprised the ‘find-Daizen-with-a-lovely-ball-bent-in-behind,’ scene from the earlier Terminator movie… And Daizen missed it.

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Celtic interim manager Martin O’Neill during the Premier League match between Celtic and Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on November 09, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE – 7.5/10 – A classic MON rinsing of the starting line-up after a rinsing in Europe. Only a couple of questions remain – why no Paulo (has he been running about with the GB?) and why no Shin? You could probably add Jackie Inamura to that, too. But I’m not sure if Martin’s aware of many players outside those he’s utilised in the past four games. Getting on a bit…

But the motivational edge doesn’t seem to have faltered and along with Shaun and mad Fozzie he got the best out of a beleaguered squad and the best result we could have hoped for after the midweek trauma.

MIBBERY – 5/10 – Can’t beat a good clown show on a Sunday afternoon and The Don produced a few pratfalls to entertain the crowd. Or incense. And I don’t mean he lit some aromatic material…What he did light was a fuse that he was lucky didn’t set off dynamite and end up with some players lost in a red mist:

Calmac booked for executing a textbook sliding tackle on Tony Ralston…And Daizen, hustled early on for standing perfectly legitimately within range of Plug, then booked later on for standing perfectly legitimately within range of James Brown (the mince James Brown, godfather of rectums ) re-enacting a Platoon death scene. Luckily, for Robertson, the game was well-won or he’d be sitting on his couch, lights-out, tonight waiting for the Yakuza to knock on his door…Citrus chump.

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OVERALL – 7.5/10 –  Any win. That was the remit. Just go out and get the points and sit back and recover for a fortnight before the festive madness sets in. And the Bhoys done good, Mama…With less trouble than a handful of recent encounters they had enough about them to pin Killie in for periods at a time and pick-off the goals at crucial moments. The crowd stayed with them despite the timid collapse in Denmark. Even the Green Brigade turned up to bounce around despite a fair majority thinking they’d been banned for charging about the stadium in their dozens like weans giving honners in a school playground fight, then playing ‘Where’s Wally The Cop Version’ on their X account.

So as Edinburgh Ludge FC begin their ‘totally-unexpected’ collapse and normal service looms to be resumed, we head into a fortnight of nationalistic ambitions being sacrificed on the altar of Stevie Clarke jurisprudence – the philosophical consideration of legal justification for ‘Why Attack At All?’ tactics. But our players, in the main, are able to look forward with heightened anticipation and hopefully renewed vigour, to the coming months of glamour games and perhaps a second chance for many to impress a new boss.

Onwards and upwards.

Go Away Now

Sandman

Celtic in the Eighties by David Potter, signed copies by Danny McGrain available from celticstarbooks.com

Don’t miss the chance to purchase the late, great Celtic historian David Potter’s final book. All remaining copies have been signed by the legendary Celtic captain  Danny McGrain PLUS you’ll also receive a FREE copy of David Potter’s Willie Fernie biography – Putting on the Style, and you’ll only be charged for postage on one book.  Order from Celtic Star Books HERE.

Celtic in the Eighties and Willie Fernie – Putting on the Style both by David Potter. Photo The Celtic Star

Danny McGrain signing copies of Celtic in the Eighties by David Potter. Photo: Celtic Star Books

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