The 10 biggest 2025-26 Premier League sh*thouses RANKED: Bruno Fernandes 3rd… | OneFootball

Players from Chelsea, Manchester United, Newcastle and Tottenham are among the biggest sh*thouses currently in the Premier League – but who is the worst?

The competition has seen some gloriously dirty players in years gone by, from David Batty leaving his studs on opponents’ shins to Diego Costa driving both friends and foes to despair.

But the modern day isn’t lacking in panto villains, with each entry in our top 10 becoming more and more likely to make your da’ throw something at the television…

10. Moises Caicedo

Caicedo is a world-class midfielder, almost justifying his £115million price tag, which tends to blind observers to his consistent sh*thousery.

The Chelsea destroyer loves nothing more than clipping his opponents’ ankles and his red card against Arsenal in November came after a pre-match meal of Red Bull and Smarties.

Referees are usually blind to the Ecuadorian’s shenanigans too, as he’s somehow only received three yellow cards in the Premier League this season.

9. Emiliano Martinez

Like his many FIFA awards, Martinez’s reputation as a top-class sh*thouse largely rests on his 2022 antics.

This included whispering Hogwarts hexes at opposition penalty takers to humping trophies in front of FIFA delegates and carrying a terrifying Mbappe doll at Argentina’s World Cup victory parade.

The Aston Villa goalkeeper’s star has dulled since, but ninth feels appropriate for a stone-in-your-shoe personality.

8. Lucas Paqueta

Paqueta deserves a place on this list for such a commitment to getting booked that it alerted the authorities, even if the Brazilian was eventually cleared after a two-year investigation.

But there are subtler verdicts on the West Ham midfielder that warrant inclusion here, including talking himself into a red card against Liverpool in November.

This is a player who loves throwing himself to the floor, usually ignored by weary referees, and the playmaker has failed to provide a Premier League assist in almost two years.

From opponents and referees to his own employers and the governing bodies, Paqueta’s sh*thousing manages to rile almost everybody.

7. Anthony Gordon

It was telling that Andy Madley didn’t think Trevoh Chalobah’s clattering of Anthony Gordon was worthy of a penalty during Newcastle and Chelsea’s recent 2-2 draw.

It was equally telling that VAR backed the referee’s on-field decision, despite it being a blatant spot-kick.

Are the officials unfit for purpose? Probably, but Gordon is also the boy who’s cried wolf too often and no longer receives the benefit of the doubt.

A strong gust of wind or a gnawing sense of ennui have been known to fell Gordon in the past, a master at ‘winning’ penalties from naive opponents.

In a list packed with Iberians and South Americans, the winger is the only Englishman included. That is also telling.

6. Bernardo Silva

Another player who widely escapes censure due to his talent, Bernardo has taken up the Manchester City sh*thouse mantle previously held by Fernandinho.

For all their quality football, no Pep Guardiola team is complete without an ankle-tapping, whiny ball of petulance in their midfield.

Bernardo has aged into this role like a fine Portuguese wine, displaying all the dark art expertise that explains why his country are always such horrible opponents at major tournaments.

5. Marc Cucurella

There’s something about Cucurella’s hair that unlocks every man’s inner beast.

The Chelsea defender seems to be clattered at least once per game, generating zero sympathy from neutrals who are thoroughly sick of the little snide.

Cucurella deserves respect for becoming an important player at Stamford Bridge, but his antics preclude him from anything more.

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4. Richarlison

Richarlison reminds us strongly of Wile E. Coyote; loud and persistent, even if events ultimately backfire on him.

A genuine good egg off the pitch, who denounced Jair Bolsanaro when several of his bootlicking contemporaries did not, nobody rattles opponents quite like the Tottenham and Brazil striker.

For all his frustrations, the Premier League would be a duller place without Richarlison flapping around.

One final observation: he’s the ultimate pick the ball out of the net goalscorer we’ve ever seen.

3. Bruno Fernandes

Fernandes is a brilliant footballer, but looks like a cross between Ralf Little and a rat that gnaws away at the referee’s sanity by whingeing in his ear.

A well-deserved podium place for the Manchester United captain.

2. Cristian Romero

The most Atletico Madrid player never to play for Diego Simeone, Romero’s constant niggling and taking offence deserves a higher platform than mid-table mediocrity at Tottenham.

We knew we were witnessing greatness when he tugged Cucurella’s hair during the Conte-Tuchel handshake game in 2022.

And Romero hasn’t stopped being a total b*stard ever since, collecting cards like a Pokemon-obsessed child in the 2000s.

Just imagine what he’s like at home – slide tackling the furniture, elbowing his wife on the stairs, goading the dog and whispering insults in his children’s ears.

1. Joelinton

Have you ever wondered about an alternative universe where Lee Cattermole grew up on Copacabana, got hench and inked and was approximately 35% better at football?

Well, the answer lies in Newcastle’s midfield. Nothing gets Joelinton’s juices flowing than an uncovered limb with a ball attached to the end of it.

Signed by Steve Bruce as a striker, he was converted into a snarling midfielder by Eddie Howe and leaves bruises on his opponents’ legs as love bites.

Only the best operators make his bark look worse than his bite – think Pedri in the Champions League this season.

Otherwise, the Newcastle bruiser is the biggest sh*thouse in the Premier League. Some say there’s a yellow card next to his name on his birth certificate.