Declan Rice outlines bold Arsenal plan as Gunners Champions League parade revealed | OneFootball

We are sorry to report that Arsenal have fallen victim to some wild and wanton hubris after reaching the Champions League final, while Declan Rice has been making his feelings ominously clear.

Elsewhere there’s summer transfers being completed and an ex-Man United star right at the heart of Real Madrid’s implosion.

It’s all happening.

Rein on your parade

Long-time readers will know Mediawatch has a simple rule it applies to any breathless headline: would the exact opposite in fact be a more interesting story? If so, why have you bothered writing this one? There is sometimes still a compelling reason; we all enjoy, for instance, ‘man turns up for work’ type headlines when a Wantaway Player nevertheless turns up for training in the midst of a Transfer Saga, but if there’s sufficient suggestion that he might not have done turned up for work then that becomes newsworthy in itself.

Generally, though, it holds that if your story is far less compelling than its exact opposite, then it might not be worth bothering at all.

The rise of clickbait, ragebait and other assorted baited efforts to actively mislead and disrespect readers have slightly dimmed its potency as a yardstick, but these headlines still come along regularly enough.

And  occasionally a headline comes along that manages to fail this simple test not once but twice. Thanks to the Mirror, today is one such day.

It would be genuinely mental if both of these things weren’t obviously the case. Imagine for a single second any Arsenal player coming out and saying: “PSG? They will absolutely dick us, mate. Kvaratskhelia against Ben White? LOL and, indeed, LMAO.”

There’s a story. Not Riccardo Calafiori saying “We didn’t win the trophy yet but it’s a massive win and I hope for the same in the final” or Leandro Trossard saying “It’s one game so you have to go with everything you can into that game. Everyone will be full of energy, will be ready for it. In one game everything can happen.”

There’s not one thing wrong with either of those statements. It’s just that saying anything else at this time would be insane. Including if they were insisting they definitely would beat PSG.

As for the parade, this remains a significant bugbear of ours. Making these necessary provisional plans is always presented as if working out what you’ll do in the event of winning a final is an act of wild hubris to be mocked and scorned rather than basic contingency planning.

It’s obviously ridiculous to think that parade routes, with police presence (Celebration Police, if you will), staging, road closures, fan access and all the rest could just be thrown together in less than 24 hours after victory. Of course it has to be planned in advance even if the parade never happen.

The Mirror, when they finally get round to it, even call them ‘provisional plans for a victory parade on May 31’.

Again, your story here would be far, far more noteworthy if Arsenal had decided not to even bother planning for the possibility they might actually win.

Now that’s a story.

And while we’re on the subject of Arsenal’s hubristic parade planning, The Sun bring us even more news.

Headline:

Copy:

Arsenal did confirm a potential parade route two years ago so by the barest of margins we are going to have to file that headline under ‘technically correct’.

Can I borrow a feeling?

Champions League finalists Arsenal making tentative parade plans and believing they are capable of winning one game of football against a very good team isn’t the only huge Arsenal news out there today, though. Dear me, no.

There’s also this, from the Daily Express:

Yes, it’s a classic ‘as’ cut-and-shut headline that takes two underwhelming and unconnected stories, then bolts them clumsily together into a more tantalising if disingenuous monstrosity.

The feelings that Declan Rice has made clear are that it would be jolly handy if Arsenal were to win all their remaining games, which is a very hot and spicy take indeed that also very obviously has nothing at all to do with the completed summer transfer.

Which, as we’re confident you clever sausages have already deduced, is about a humdrum departure rather than blockbuster arrival. Jakub Kiwior, if you’re interested.

And don’t think we didn’t spot that ‘Arsenal-news-Declan-Rice-transfer’ slug in the URL, you absolute scamps.

Star attraction

Mediawatch looked at this Mirror headline with some puzzlement, determined to solve its riddle before eventually giving up and handing over our precious click.

Even allowing for the usual elastic tabloid definition of the word star, we were struggling. We are now beyond embarrassed that we had forgotten all about Alvaro Carreras’ four EFL Trophy appearances for United’s Under-23s. A humiliating knowledge gap the shame of which may never truly heal.