The Ronaldo Show, Mbappe v Haaland among five World Cup games not to miss this week | OneFootball

Is there anyone out there who has watched every game of the World Cup? If so, we salute you and your lonely, jobless, sleep-deprived existence.

Unfortunately, though, that streak must end this week when the third round of group-stage matches begins, bringing with it simultaneous kick-off times.

If you weren’t already, we’re now in pick-and-choose territory. So, excluding the two England games and Scotland’s resounding win over Brazil, here are five to make time for this week…

Portugal v Uzbekistan – Tuesday, 6pm, ITV

We start with tonight’s opening act for England: The Ronaldo team.

One of two things will happen from 6pm in Houston: Cristiano Ronaldo will, as his fanboys see it, answer his many, many critics (we have been among them) with a goal or two while Portugal, in spite of their skipper, convincingly beat the 54th best nation in the world.

Or, Portugal will less-convincingly beat Uzbekistan while Ronaldo flails around desperately seeking to recapture former glories, shooting from all manner of impossible angles to claw back the goals deficit between him and Lionel Messi. And Kylian Mbappe. And Erling Haaland.

Whatever happens, the #narrative will be unescapable before Thomas Tuchel’s glory boys take on Ghana at 9pm.

Paraguay v Australia – Friday, 3am, ITV

With sleep being for the weak and USA v Turkey a dead rubber, the early hours of your Friday morning should be given over to Australia’s pursuit of a place in the knockout stages.

The Socceroos face Paraguay in a winner-takes-second clash in which one these nations, surely, has to come out of their defensive mindset.

Both have beaten an unserious Turkey team, both winning with less than 30% possession. Both were also convincingly beaten by USA, neither team managing to realistically stay in the contests to half-time.

From Australia’s perspective, they have to show some measure of adventure. Tony Popovic’s team selection was negative in the extreme against USA, denying themselves even an opportunity to counter, and by the time he changed things, it was too late.

The winner may still qualify anyway but will face an anxious few days waiting to find out.

Norway v France – Friday, 8pm, ITV

By Friday, the heady days of two games an evening – both at reasonable times if your watch is set to British Summer Time – are long gone, forcing us all into the fresh air, obliging us to talk to our families until 8pm.

Then it’s the Group I deciders, with France and Norway meeting to thrash out who goes through as winners, putting them on a probable collision course with England.

It might be essential viewing for anyone with an interest in the Golden Boot with this the first occasion two of the big hitters face each other.

If that doesn’t grab you, Senegal v Iraq could spare you any unnecessary social engagement.

Cape Verdi v Saudi Arabia – Saturday, 1am, ITV

Pace yourselves because Friday night/Saturday morning is a three-game, 10-hour shift on the sofa. Cans for dinner and breakfast, is it?

After France v Norway, there is a window for some shuteye for the stamina-deficient among us. Just make sure you losers set an alarm for Cape Verdi’s unlikely assault on the knockout stages.

As things stand, almost anything is possible in Group H. Spain v Uruguay kicks off at the same time, which would have been the obvious choice before Cape Verdi stunned us all by going unbeaten through the first two games against the two sides expected to go through as winners and runners-up.

In the wee small hours of Saturday morning, Cape Verdi face the weakest of the their rivals, Saudi Arabia, themselves motivated by the prospect of sealing second place. The likelihood of Spain beating Uruguay makes this a win-and-you’re-though affair.

New Zealand v Belgium – Saturday, 4am, BBC

Could Belgium make the biggest b*llocks of all by failing to qualify as a seed from a group they should be winning?

Possibly, yes. The Red Devils have been woefully unconvincing in either of their draws, with Rudi Garcia evidently still searching for a formula that works. The Belgians aren’t known for being patient sorts with their national team, even when it was among the best in the world. Which this iteration definitely is not.

In contrast to Garcia’s uncertainty, New Zealand know that Belgium can be stopped and penetrated. You will regret not staying up/getting up if you wake to find the Kiwis have pulled it off.