The final Premier League table to push every manager to the exit | OneFootball

As the Premier League makes its long-awaited return this weekend after a three-week hiatus, fans up and down the country will be combing through their remaining fixtures and tallying points to work out best and (more likely) worst-case scenarios.

We’ve not done that here, but rather come up with a final Premier League table that we believe could see every manager leave their club at the end of the season. We’re a positive bunch.

1) Manchester City: Pep Guardiola

Calls time after winning the domestic treble.

2) Arsenal: Mikel Arteta

A Champions League exit before the final and a fourth consecutive second-placed finish to confirm his status as the greatest bottlejob in Premier League history having plumbed set-piece depths to play the worst football of any of those four seasons.

3) Manchester United: Michael Carrick

Continues winning playing some attractive but moment-heavy football that’s not to INEOS’ taste after analysing games played under vibes-based predecessor Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

4) Aston Villa: Unai Emery

5) Liverpool: Arne Slot

Champions League qualification fails to halt the slow dawning FSG realisation that the damage that sacking the manager who’s just led them to the title would do to the reputation of This Means More football club isn’t worth the pain of keeping a guy in charge who’s had them playing insipid football for the vast majority of his Anfield tenure.

6) Chelsea: Liam Rosenior

FA Cup semi-final defeat to Leeds and failure to qualify for the Champions League after Rosenior sanctions Cole Palmer, Moises Caicedo and Joao Pedro following interviews declaring their respective desires to live in Manchester, Paris and a more northerly part of London.

7) Brentford: Keith Andrews

Poached after miraculously leading Brentford into Europe.

8) Bournemouth: Andoni Iraola

A possible move to Paris Saint-Germain when Luis Enrique replaces Guardiola at the Etihad. Wherever Iraola goes it’s about time someone with deeper pockets and grander ambitions wants to see what he’s made of after three seasons at Bournemouth.

9) Sunderland: Regis Le Bris

Burns all Mackem bridges built through promotion and a stunning return to the top flight spectacularly by taking a step down to Newcastle.

10) Newcastle: Eddie Howe

A mid-table finish preceding a dozen come-and-get-me pleas from players realising the Newcastle peak under Howe is long gone.

11) Everton: David Moyes

Failure to secure unlikely European football sees The Friedkin Group get far too big for their boots and source a shiny new manager for their shiny new stadium.

12) Fulham: Marco Silva

The two-word bullsh*t he spouted in March bites him on the bum as Fulham bring their stale marriage to an end.

13) Fabian Hurzeler: Brighton

Hurzeler himself continues to bring up speculation over a move to Bayer Leverkusen in press conferences while leading Brighton to their worst finish since the 2020/21 season.

14) Oliver Glasner: Crystal Palace

He’s already announced his exit having become thoroughly and understandably peeved about all his best players being sold.

15) West Ham: Nuno Espirito Santo

Rewarded for Premier League survival with no money whatsoever to improve the squad and leaves to avoid another relegation battle.

16) Leeds: Daniel Farke

Two great days at Wembley after victory over Chelsea in the FA Cup semi-final precedes an honourable defeat to Man City, but that achievement along with Premier League survival fails to silence a clamour which becomes a din as a possible replacement becomes available following Uruguay’s early World Cup exit.

17) Nottingham Forest: Vitor Pereira

Pereira steps down on the back of some sort of pitch-invading madness from Evangelos Marinakis to make their relationship untenable after staying up on the final day of the season.

18) Tottenham: Roberto De Zerbi

Relegation and a declaration of love for Mason Greenwood to force ENIC’s hand into granting his escape.

19) Wolves: Rob Edwards

Fails to placate angry Wolves stakeholders through insisting he “wouldn’t have left for any other club” but Aston Villa.

20) Burnley: Scott Parker

Finishing below Wolves before the Burnley chiefs ask themselves the question regularly pondered by the Premier League-centric masses for the last six years: What is the point of Scott Parker?