Wayne Rooney’s World Cup half-time show verdict spoke for the nation | OneFootball

The inaugural World Cup half-time show managed to limbo below our lowest expectations, so thank you for Wayne Rooney for calling it ‘cr*p’ live on the BBC.

Diplomacy is a net positive for the human race – imagine you and your partner negotiating a choice of restaurant without it – but Rooney has reminded us of the benefits of calling a spade a spade.

FIFA’s much-publicised decision to extend half-time beyond its traditional 15 minutes to accommodate the half-time show spoke of their priorities.

What is craven and entirely unsurprising was broadcasters toeing the party line and playing along with the charade.

Gabby Logan trailed the show with professional enthusiasm beforehand and not because it was rumoured the lights inside the BBC studio would be turned off mid-performance.

While the BBC website euphemistically described the show as ‘colourful’, a perfect nugget of meaningless establishment jargon.

Shakira did her thing. Justin Bieber’s contribution was more narcoleptic than the actual football Spain and Argentina produced in the first half.

While Madonna made the campest entrance, flanked by the heroically non-Ozempic Ronaldo and Ronaldinho who came dressed as Stevie Wonder.

The whole thing was a fever dream, a singing and dancing monument to commercialisation. And, worst of all, it was extremely boring.

You didn’t need to be a ‘miserable Brit’ so acclaimed by Americans on social media to find it all risible.

Logan asked Rooney, Joe Hart and Micah Richards for their favourite part of it all. “Shakira & Burna Boy,” Richards exclaimed (and Richards can only exclaim; asking him to whisper would be like teaching a dog Mandarin).

While Hart declared “Ronaldinho & R9 driving the car out,” as his highlight. While the former England goalkeeper isn’t as wretched a star-f*cker as Rio Ferdinand, calling Ronaldo ‘R9 is very on-brand for him.

It was left to Rooney to take a stand:  “My favourite bit of the half-time show was when it finished… I like all of them artists, but I thought it was cr*p.”

Beautiful. Poetic, even. A one-line dissection of FIFA’s circus. All punditry would be better with this level of forthright and concise honesty.

The face Hart pulls next to him is one of a teenager seeing his mate sent out of Double Maths for snapping a ruler. Logan let it slide.

Rooney has enjoyed a strong World Cup, the BBC’s breakout star (once Bob the Cat is accounted for) and settling nicely into the lead pundit role.

And he spoke for the nation with his one-word review of a ‘colourful’ half-time show.

By Michael Lee