Haaland signing for Madrid as election goes full Trump and more… | OneFootball

The Real Madrid presidential race has quickly become box-office viewing as Florentino Perez and Enrique Riquelme use every dirty trick in a politician’s book to try and convince fans to vote for them.

To give you some context if you haven’t been keeping up…

After two of his players literally punched each other, Darth Perez threw a strop with an hour-long press conference. Ignoring the parts where he called out journalists by name, said they were all ugly and said players punching each other was perfectly normal, the 79-year-old announced he was calling elections in a bid to affirm his control of the club.

It was a clever move by Perez straight from the Farage playbook as it moved the story away from his mistakes of last season. And the election criteria was so specific that it appeared Perez was the only person available to run. Except he wasn’t.

Enrique Riquelme, a Spanish businessman who made his money in renewable energy, announced that he would run against Perez, meaning the incumbent faced a challenge for his throne for the first time since 2004.

Riquelme running was not completely out of the blue; the 27-year-old had spent the last four years dropping hints and the surprise calling of elections which were supposed to come in 2029 did not rule him out, but did catch him off guard.

And if you were wondering which way the elections would play out, they’ve gone full US-style – attack, attack, attack.

Which brings us to Wednesday and one of the maddest evenings in modern Madrid history. Here’s how it played out.

5) Riquelme makes an outrageous promise

Riquelme was slated to appear on El Hormiguero on Wednesday, a popular TV show in Spain, where a big announcement was teased.

But this is not Spain’s version of talkSPORT or Sky Sports News. Think of it more like The Graham Norton Show. We should mention at this point that for some reason, the host of El Hormiguero is accompanied by puppets. So the man hoping to be in control of the biggest club in the world made his case in front of two goofy-looking pink worms.

Anyway, before appearing live on the show, Riquelme had said he will reveal the name of a star signing that is 100% joining Madrid should he win the elections.

And so, Madrid fans – and plenty of Barcelona fans waiting to laugh at their rivals – tuned in to hear Riquelme say the name of the player who would be joining Madrid: Erling Haaland.

Riquelme came equipped with a Madrid shirt that had Haaland and 9 printed on the back, holding it up like a child on a stadium tour.

We feel at this point we should again remind you that there are puppets on screen as this happens. Actual puppets.

4) Perez’s perfectly timed advert

Do you remember that scene in The Damned United where Michael Sheen’s Brian Clough arrives at a TV studio only to be ambushed by his arch rival Don Revie? We reckon Perez has seen that and wanted to make his own version.

In a House of Cards-esque move, just after Riquelme had revealed Haaland as his mystery player, the TV show went to a break in which a blue background hosted some white text.

It read: ‘While on TV they talk and talk and talk…’

And then it cut to an image of Perez’s own big name acquisition: Jose Mourinho. The Portuguese boss simply says Si before it cuts to the words Vote Florentino 2026.

There’s your carrot, says Perez.

The adverts end and there’s Riquelme, looking like a deer in headlights as he is told the news. Clough was a master with words and so turned his own potential nightmare into a victory. Riquelme just looked like he had seen a ghost.

Perez had signings of his own too. He said Ibrahima Konate would be the first player he brings to the club should he be re-elected.

3) Mourinho says it’s AI

Perhaps at a more normal club, that would have been the end of it. Both candidates have put forward their cases. That’s that.

But this is not a normal club, it is the basket case that is Madrid.

According to Portuguese outlet Record, Mourinho contacted his current employer Benfica to say the video of him in the Madrid kit was AI, presumably because appearing in another team’s kit is very much grounds for dismissal and could cost Mourinho any financial bonuses in his contract.

Madrid acted first then thought second as apparently later that same evening, Benfica were given official notification that Madrid would pay Mourinho’s €15m release clause next week.

2) The Haaland family says it’s bollocks

Announcing the arrival of a star signing is quite dependent on one very particular thing: said player and his club actually have to have agreed to it.

Anyone with half a brain cell would have heard the news that Riquelme said he had signed Haaland and thought “Is that the Haaland with a contract until 2034? Is that the Haaland who is on £525k a week? Is that the Haaland who would realistically cost about £300m? That one?”

The idea that Manchester City would even get round the negotiating table is laughable and so it came as no surprise when the Haaland family came out to say it was all rubbish.

“All very entertaining but NOT true,” they told Fabrizio Romano. “We wish all the best for both candidates in the Real Madrid elections.”

Shock.

And of all the clubs Madrid could have done this to, Manchester City may have been the actual worst one.

Have they not been following the 115 charges? City’s army of lawyers costs more than most top teams’ players and they have successfully won cases against the Premier League and UEFA in the past.

Claiming you have signed their very expensive asset on national television is then perhaps not the smartest of decisions.

Romano has reported that City are considering legal action after Riquelme made his claim and are exploring options for using Haaland’s image. Nice one.

1) Riquelme offers to pay

Deep down, Riquelme knows he is probably not going to win and so he is promising the world while knowing he will likely not have to deliver.

So, he backed up his claim that he would bring not only Haaland to the club but Rodri too by saying that if he failed to deliver on his election promises, he would pay the membership costs for Madrid’s 100,000 socios.

Madrid members pay €174 a year and so Riquelme’s guarantee could cost him roughly €12.3m, but for a man worth €187m, he would consider that a worthy investment if it gets him into the Madrid hotseat. That’s also considerably less than it would cost to sign Haaland and Rodri.

The good news for us watching on is there are still three more days of this before the election takes place on June 7 and so the underhanded tactics from both sides will likely only get worse. Best get the popcorn out.