Ranking all 28 Tottenham player-manager options behind Ben Davies | OneFootball

Igor Tudor’s gone and ENIC are now scrambling to source a new interim manager for Tottenham having come to terms with the fact that no right-minded permanent option would come anywhere near them right now.

A shortlist featuring your inevitable Knows The Club lads also threw up a surprise name as Tottenham envelop the masses in a delightful coat of 90s nostalgia through the possibility of appointing a Premier League player-manager.

Ben Davies is the man being considered but which other members of this downcast group of relegation battlers could take on the role?

We’ve ranked the whole squad by player-manager merit, from least to most.

28) Souza

We doubt his English lessons will feature the requisite swears for him to scream from the touchline as Xavi Simons cedes possession for the 427th time.

27) Randal Kolo Muani

Unlikely to be hugely invested during what will surely be his final two months at Tottenham.

26) Wilson Odobert

Could he regret his early season vow to “take on more responsibility”. No.

25) Xavi Simons

Almost certainly wants Tottenham to get relegated so he can leave with his reputation still somewhat in tact.

24) Mathys Tel

“I don’t wanna be here, you don’t wanna be here, but we’re stuck here and I don’t want a 50 per cent wage cut to play in the Championship next season.” It could work.

23) Radu Dragusin

Can’t be having a Premier League manager sporting a topknot.

22) Destiny Udogie

Not his fate.

21) Yves Bissouma

He’s got plenty of experience both at Spurs and in the Premier League in general but his contract’s up at the end of the season and he’s wanted out for a while.

20) Mohamed Kudus

We’re not sure his reasonable insistence that all teammates just give him the ball when he returns from injury will go down all that well with the majority.

19) Guglielmo Vicario

Already well-versed in the boos that are sure to come his way at half-time vs Sunderland in his first game in charge. The Premier League social media team would have an absolute field day.

18) Dejan Kulusevski

He’s had enough time to ponder the problems at Spurs from the sidelines and will presumably have come to the conclusion – along with the rest of us – that his absence is a big factor in their struggles. It might not be quite enough just to rush himself back from injury.

17) Richarlison

We look forward to him removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt in celebration of an offside goal.

16) Pedro Porro

‘Smashes’ sh*t and not averse to giving anyone a kicking in interviews, though Tudor has shown that’s perhaps not the best route to go down with these Spurs softies.

Unlikely to be a favourite among the Tottenham hierarchy having described their project as a ‘disaster’, but we would be fascinated to see just how much fan-geeing he does from the touchline given his penchant for arm-waving on the pitch when Spurs win an attacking throw-in.

15) Lucas Bergvall

You will struggle to find a scouting report of Bergvall which doesn’t include some reference to his high football IQ. It’s a overarching term to cover all manner of football things beyond the basics and we assume sets him up beautifully to manage a Premier League football team at the age of 20.

14) Brandon Austin

Feels like he should be a contender purely on the basis of third goalkeepers doing sod all and thus having plenty of time to contemplate tactics and the like. But third goalkeepers are also clearly very comfortable getting paid quite a lot – £15k per week in Austin’s case – for doing very little.

13) Dominic Solanke

Richarlison wouldn’t get a look in and what better way to secure a place on Thomas Tuchel’s England plane than playing every minute, receiving no service and therefore scoring no goals for Tottenham?

12) Antonin Kinsky

Assuming his career as a footballer was indeed ended by Igor Tudor in Madrid he may as well turn his gloveless hand to management.

11) Djed Spence

Tottenham are on to an absolute winner if Spence can instil the confidence in the rest of the squad that he has in himself.

10) Conor Gallagher

The perfect end to his undercover masterplan as a Chelsea agent of Tottenham doom: go to Spurs via 18 months at Atletico Madrid; do nothing on the pitch to help them into a relegation battle; seal the deal from the touchline.

9) Rodrigo Bentancur

Would pass the ‘looks good in a suit’ acid test with flying colours and our guess is the Spurs fans would take great solace in going down in The Right Way playing some attractive but futile football.

8) Kevin Danso

The antidote to the Arsenal-supporting manager he must have endured through gritted teeth for much of the season having warmed Tottenham hearts with his response to Arsenal’s title charge: “I couldn’t care less about what they do.”

7) Archie Gray

His position in this ranking says plenty about him as a footballer showing maturity beyond his tender age but far more about the rest of his don’t-give-a-sh*t teammates.

6) James Maddison

Typically in the Spoke Well category of post-match interviewees and came across as A Thinker Of The Game if maybe not a hugely deep one during a Monday Night Football appearance in December. A Tim Sherwood for the TikTok generation and that’s not meant as quite such a slight as it sounds.

5) Pape Matar Sarr

A strong candidate thanks to what appear to be plenty of on-pitch smarts but also because his father Sidate is a manager in Senegal and used to be goalkeeping coach for the Senegal national team.

4) Cristian Romero

If the Spurs hierarchy remain convinced as they were when they appointed Tudor that the best way to avoid relegation is through a manager who’s going to challenge players and ruffle feathers in the squad then here’s a man who would tear out those feathers with his teeth and spit them at the now crying, balding cockerel sitting next to him.

Romero certainly feels like a future manager having been tipped to leave for Tottenham for Atletico Madrid due to what many deem to be a reunion with long-lost father and Argentinian firebrand Diego Simone.

3) Joao Palhinha

Benefits a huge amount in this ranking from being an older member of the squad who plays in a position that tends to breed future football managers, which is absolutely good enough for Spurs.

2) Micky van de Ven

“At one point, we just walked up to the gaffer and said that we need to change some things and play more defensive sometimes. We played away at Frankfurt and were 1-0 up, and we can’t keep attacking, we just need to come back and have a low block and make sure we get the three points.

“We sat with him and he agreed with us on some things and he told us that he expected us two guys to sort this on the pitch – to make sure that this is something everybody knows and to speak to everybody on the pitch.

“He said to me and Cuti personally that we need to make sure the other guys listen to us, that we have a reputation in the team and everyone respects us, so make sure the guys follow what we say on the pitch. So, Cuti and I were just screaming at everyone.”

I.e. Van de Ven and Romero coached Tottenham to Europa League glory.

1) Ben Davies

Premier League player-managers were typically bit-part players when they were a thing roughly three decades ago and Davies is the bittest of bit-part players at Tottenham. He both Knows The Club and the Premier League as they are now. One would expect/hope he would have the respect of his teammates as someone with 363 appearances for the club. He’s got his UEFA A coaching licence. And perhaps more crucial than those other factors in his favour – he’s about the only person in the club who seems to actually care about Tottenham.

Davies essentially ticks all the boxes other than the admittedly quite crucial one of managing a football team. Of all the mad options – and they’re all mad for one or more reasons – he might be a relatively sane appointment.