I wrote to Kevin Keegan and got…a reply | OneFootball

Way back in the dark, pre-email days of the 90s, I was a bit less cool than I eventually became [I’m 45 now, so am once more uncool].

I had a penchant for letter-writing.

During the first few months of the 1993-94 Premier League season, I took it upon myself to write to Kevin Keegan to offer my tactical insights [Because, obviously, I knew better than him. Lordy, the confidence of a 14 year old boy].

As far as I can recall, I invented wing-backs, with Bez and Stevie Watson bombing on past tucked-in midfielders Salty Sellars and Robert Lee. Kevin Keegan sent a lovely, detailed reply, showing that he’d actually taken time to read my letter and even look at the [hnngh] diagrams I’d included. I’m blushing as I write.

At some point not long after that, I wrote to Barry Davies c/o The BBC, picking him up on something now forgotten, that he’d said about a Newcastle player on Match of the Day. Now, I’ve never had much time for his pompous commentary style, but to be fair, he not only took the time to reply, but his reply was excellent. He wasn’t condescending at all, and while I can’t recall the exact contents of his letter, he’d done some research and agreed that he had been unfair to whoever he’d criticised. Credit to him for that.

I wrote to Ron Atkinson at Coventry City in November just after David Busst announced his retirement from playing, seven months after the horrific injury he suffered at Old Trafford. I wanted to wish Coventry well for their battle against the drop [which turned out to be hilariously successful, teehee] and to wish Busst well for the future. I got a nice, grateful letter back from [pre-Desailly incident] Ron that had a couple of signed postcards in, one of Ron, and, I think, one of Richard Shaw. It’s the thought that counts.

My cousin Mick worked with a daft-as-a-brush Wigan fan called Bruce. Top bloke, Bruce. Always a story to tell. I don’t know if he’s kept it going, but back then, he’d apply, by post, for EVERY football league manager’s job that became available. Every one.

When Glenn Hoddle got the boot by the FA in 1999 for his, ahem, interesting comments about reincarnation, I copied Bruce and wrote to the FA, applying for the gig. Their response – on official FA-headed paper – was excellent. They said they were looking to shortlist those with more ‘real-world’ managerial experience, in response to my tongue-in-cheek listing of my achievements on Premier Manager II, Championship Manager Italia and Sensible World of Soccer on the Commodore Amiga.

The last letter I wrote was in the summer of 2002, when at university in York. Andy Cole announced his retirement from international football when Sven didn’t pick him for the World Cup, after not having picked him for the previous seven international squads. I thought to myself ‘Well, if he can ‘retire from international football’ in those circumstances, then so can I.’

So, I did. I wrote to Sven, c/o The FA, at Lancaster Gate, stating that ‘committed as I am to playing for both the first AND second XIs at Derwent College, University of York, and the Rose and Crown on Sunday mornings when I’m back in Newcastle, I feel that any selection for my country would stretch me too far. I therefore no longer wish to be considered for any future England squads.’