Manchester United learn Ferguson ‘stance’ on Carrick and true Fernandes ‘thoughts’ on transfer target | OneFootball

Manchester United will have been rocked by Sir Alex Ferguson’s ‘stance’ on Michael Carrick and Bruno Fernandes’ verdict on a transfer target.

There is also a brilliantly rubbish ‘truth’ reveal from a Newcastle ‘source’.

And some Joleon Lescott quotes we are not convinced actually exist.

Taking the Michael

The Daily Mirror website has ‘8 lessons Carrick must learn from his failed Man Utd predecessors as Red Devils set to confirm latest permanent boss’. And they do not disappoint.

They are neatly split into four things Carrick should do and four he absolutely shouldn’t, based on how previous Manchester United managers fared. And of course the first is ‘Do – engage with the media’. Of bloody course it is.

But the rest is particularly sage advice, like ‘Do – ensure you win silverware,’ ‘Don’t – establish no identity in nearly three years’ and ‘Do – win the big games’.

There you go, Michael: do be good and don’t be awful. With the calibre of ‘lessons’ handed down by Ruben Amorim, Erik ten Hag, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and Jose Mourinho, Carrick can hardly fail.

Suit you, Sir

By far the most important aspect of Carrick’s imminent appointment is obvious: what does Fergie think? It is a question one particular stable of websites seems desperate to ask and answer.

‘Sir Alex Ferguson’s thoughts emerge on Man United appointing Michael Carrick as manager’ – Manchester Evening News.

‘Sir Alex Ferguson’s stance on Michael Carrick becoming new Man Utd boss emerges after agreement’ – Daily Mirror website.

‘What Sir Alex Ferguson really thinks about Michael Carrick getting Man Utd job’ – Daily Express website.

It turns out that he has not been involved in the process whatsoever – the bloke is 84 and was recently hospitalised so probably has better things to do than give his blessing to an appointment that would be made regardless of whether he approves or not – but is completely fine with it.

And this all comes from one line from Jeremy Cross in the Daily Mirror, which feels remarkably kind to describe as ‘throwaway’:

That’s it. A passing comment vaguely referencing Ferguson’s second-hand thoughts is good enough to build three stories around, apparently.

Between two Ferns

Following a similar theme is the final part of this Manchester Evening News headline:

One might ordinarily expect for those ‘Fernandes thoughts on transfer target’ to include, well, some of Bruno Fernandes’ thoughts on said transfer target. He’s praised Declan Rice so is clearly in a chatty move.

‘Player thinks good player is good’ is a hilariously underwhelming ‘reveal’. And as with the Ferguson on Carrick stuff, a flagrant breaking of the Mediawatch Rule: if the opposite is far more newsworthy, it probably isn’t worth covering as a story. Come back to us when Bruno Fernandes thinks Mateus Fernandes is a poor man’s Manuel Ugarte.

In any event, this trend of presenting a single line of fleeting hearsay as headline-worthy news is said to be really quite naff.

From crying when he calls your name, Joleon

It is rare to find a story so dreadful and tenuous that only one outlet dares touch it in the age of relentless aggregation, but The Sun website has managed it.

‘Mikel Arteta has THREE games to save his Arsenal job, claims former Man City star,’ is, obviously, patent nonsense. They know that. We know that. You know that.

But when this is the crumbling edifice upon which such stupidity is built, it is easy to see why no-one else has bothered to cover it more than 24 hours later:

It doesn’t half sound like he’s taking the p*ss. And Lescott isn’t the only one.

It’s the Hope that kills you

Behold, this first line of Craig Hope of the Daily Mail‘s latest tweet, linking to a piece which promises the ‘truth about Anthony Gordon’s move to Germany’ in the headline:

That is indeed precisely how transfers work, yes. Thanks for revealing the ‘truth’, Craig.

But the best bit is hidden within the story itself, because it appears Hope didn’t grasp that really quite basic concept by himself:

It feels like a football journalist probably shouldn’t need a ‘source’ to point that out.

You with the sad eyes

A reminder that to show one’s true colours is, by dictionary definition, ‘to show what someone’s real character is, especially when it is unpleasant’.

Apropos of everything, here is a Manchester Evening News headline:

Bit weird to do the whole ‘shows true colours’ shtick about a 15-year-old saying “you win some, you lose some” and pointing out that the “best lessons are learned from losing”. How ‘unpleasant’.