Premier League Update – GW 17 | OneFootball

Saturday, Dec. 21

It’s also the holiday time of year for many people around the world, so from myself to everyone out there: the very happiest of holidays to you and yours!

Now onto the snark!

Aston Villa 2 – 1 Manchester City

It’s a phenomenon so big, it needs a name. The City Slide. Manchester Sh•tty. This is not to take anything away from Villa, who smelled blood in the water and discovered their inner shark. Morgan Rogers was the apex predator in a bleach-blonde doo, feeding Jhon Durán for their first, then claiming the second off a banger that clattered off the crossbar. Phil Foden’s consolation strike at ‘90+3 only served to steal fantasy points from most.

Brentford 0 – 2 Nottingham Forest

Equally as unprecedented as City’s fall has been Forest’s ascendency. If any fixture would test their mettle, it would be visiting Gtech; Brentford were undefeated at home, with only one draw, coming into today. But Nottingham seemed unperturbed, playing with confidence and panache. Ola Aina and Anthony Elanga found the net, and Matz Sels kept a clean sheet with a late save off his face.

Ipswich 0 – 4 Newcastle

Ed Sheeran could buy into the club, but he can’t help Ipswich buy a home win. Newcastle were completely dominant from the whistle, Alexander Isak scoring 30 seconds in, then doing so twice more at ‘45+2 and ‘54. All Ipswich could do was collect a pair of yellow cards.

West Ham 1 – 1 Brighton & Hove Albion

Outside of a ten minute stretch at the start of the second half, where Brighton’s Mat Wieffer gave them a lead, then Mohammed Kudus punched in the equalizer, this was a dull match. Brighton’s bright start has faded under five straight games without a win; West Ham float in the bottom third frightfully inconsistent.

Crystal Palace 1 – 5 Arsenal

Over the past week this fixture has provided genuine entertainment not once, but twice. The Carabao Cup quarter final earlier in the week went the way of the Gunners, for while Palace did good work in stopping ten of the Arsenal team, they failed to account for Gabriel Jesus. The latter continued his insane run of form in the league rematch Saturday, bagging his 5th goal in 105 minutes. Not too shabby. Oh, and three others scored for Arsenal as well. This day just wasn’t short enough for the Palace fan, that’s for sure.

Sunday, December 22

Everton 0 – 0 Chelsea

You’ve got to give Everton a slow-clap for this one, just as you have to laugh uproariously and blow raspberries at Chelsea. The undisputed master of the nil-nil draw, Everton put the kibosh on a superior Premier League team for the second week in a row. Chelsea, meanwhile, have to take a serious look in the mirror after failing to grab a win that would have (temporarily) put them at the top of the table. Maybe the team is listening too closely to Maresca’s protestations that the Blues aren’t in a title race?

Fulham 0 – 0 Southampton

With intense driving rain obscuring the view from the stands, it’s hard to say which was soggier, the pitch or the action taking place atop it. For Southampton, the lack of drama was a welcome reprieve. For Fulham, such a tepid performance deserves being written onto Santa’s naughty list.

Leicester 0 – 3 Wolverhampton

The extra minute of daylight today was the beacon of a Wolves team coming alive and playing with some spark. Maybe it was the bounce after Vítor Pereira came on late in the week as the new manager. Maybe they got lucky facing a Leicester team that has yet to coalesce around new manager Ruud van Nistelrooy. Maybe this is just a blip.

Manchester United 0 – 3 Bournemouth

In an early interview after taking the Manchester United managerial seat, Rubin Amorim quoth “[the] storm will come.” He might have been talking about the weather that preceded today’s match, or perhaps he was talking about a Bournemouth team who outhustled, outperformed and outscored the Reds. Statistically, United dominated possession (60%), shots (16 to 5), shots on target (7 to 4), and corners (13 to 1). But the sad truth is the Cherries seemed to WANT it more, and had the moxie to make it happen.

Tottenham Hotspur 3 – 6 Liverpool

Well this was an early Christmas treat, a Premier League game so fabulously wide open and energetic you could have lit a small town off the wattage it generated. I do not have enough superlatives to bequeath upon Mohamed Salah and Luis Díaz, who each nabbed a brace. Nor will I belittle a Spurs team that may have lost badly, but at least showed drive, pride and clawed back three.