Ranking every Premier League manager by how they’d fare at the World Darts Championship | OneFootball

The Premier League and the World Darts Championship are the two greatest Christmas sporting events in the UK, so we thought we’d combine the two.

A mythical world where middle-aged men who love pints are considered elite sportspeople and where the Yaya-Kolo chant still somehow exists, you cannot beat the PDC’s top offering.

Seeing as we’re in the festive spirit, we’ve ranked every 2025-26 Premier League manager based on how likely they are to win the World Darts Championship.

20. Regis Le Bris

Le Bris has never thrown a dart in his life, never wants to throw a dart in his life and it’s possible his wife would divorce him if that ever changed.

The Sunderland boss doesn’t look like an arrowsman in the slightest. Polished off in under an hour by his unseeded opponent.

19. Mikel Arteta

Arteta can inject as much Linkedin wisdom as his veins can take, but that wouldn’t prepare him for the raucous Ally Pally crowd.

Even in an essentially set-piece sport, the Arsenal manager would work himself into such a state that he’d crumble under pressure.

In truth, the assorted WWE superstars, smurfs, dart boards and Ali G impersonators turned against Arteta when he walked out to ‘North London Forever’. His exit is celebrated wildly.

18. Enzo Maresca

An Italian darts player? The Romans invaded to end this precise strand of British barbarism.

17. Andoni Iraola

Bournemouth are known for wild fluctuations in form, looking like the best team in the Premier League for six matches before spending a few months flirting with relegation.

Iraola might win a set or two, but it’s curtains once the momentum swings against him. Hard to imagine him swapping a smart jumper for a Haiwan shirt too.

16. Ruben Amorim

Box-office viewing, but only because Amorim insists on a strategy that ignores treble 20 in favour of double 14.

The Manchester United manager wins the odd match, enough to keep the delusion going without ever threatening greatness.

15. Fabian Hurzler

We’re still very much in ‘does not remotely resemble a darts player’ territory with Hurzler.

You’d imagine a German would at least be comfortable with the boozing culture at Ally Pally, but the Brighton boss also appears instinctively distrustful of any sport that can’t be studied on the laptop.

14. Rob Edwards

Edwards’ decision to swap Middlesbrough for Wolves can only be explained as heart over head. Or a man whose emotions control him.

Neither suggests aptitude for darts, especially for a man who looks more at home on a sun lounger than down the boozer.

13. Scott Parker

Nope.

12. Marco Silva

Our previous darts ranking had Silva at rock bottom, but several factors have caused us to reassess this.

Yes, several more ill-fated candidates have emerged, but Silva is also pretty Anglicised after spells at Hull, Watford, Everton and now Fulham.

We at least think he’s heard of darts by now and has sufficient hand-eye co-ordination to progress past the first round.

Nothing more though, let’s not take the piss here.

11. Eddie Howe

Hmm.

On one hand, Howe has that British everyman appearance that hints at being one of the lads and the ability to quote entire episodes of The Inbetweeners.

But he’s not Jason Tindall, who’d be a solid semi-finalist shout.

Howe might sneak through a few rounds before being eaten in one bite by a proper dartsman.

10. Oliver Glasner

Glasner would be last 16 fodder, but takes one big scalp en route and becomes the pundit’s Next Big Thing.

9. Unai Emery

The Basques are a different breed from the rest of Spain, necking pints of red wine and coke instead of artfully sipping a cana.

This energy, and Emery’s goth vibe, is enough to surprise a few people early on before his tendency to freeze in sight of the finish line conspires against him.

A dark horse, who’s rarely given the flowers he deserves, Emery would have potential but fall slightly below elite level.

8. Nuno Espirito Santo

This was our 2023 assessment of Nuno:

“Santo’s background as a goalkeeper might make him somewhat of a dark horse.

There are parallels there when it comes to hand-eye coordination and he’s bound to have a screw loose. Doesn’t look like much of a player, though. Round three and out.”

We’re sticking with this. Anybody mad enough to take the West Ham job definitely has a screw loose.

7. Thomas Frank

For a man who looks like he’d be more at home at a naturist retreat, Frank is pretty handy with the arrows.

The Dane would be a three-time runner-up at the Darts Championship, until his powers began to wane after growing his hair and losing weight.

His trademark fist bumps have lost some of their conviction these days, as has the faith in his own methods. Something to do with an ill-advised job switch, apparently.

6. Pep Guardiola

The trickiest one to place.

While we ranked Guardiola 17th two years ago, the all-conquering Catalan has become significantly more English since then.

Big man up front and big bloke in goal, embracing long balls and bathing in baked beans (probably), we reckon darts fascinates Guardiola.

We can see him in a natty shirt, his idiosyncratic personality winning the crowd over and threatening to redefine the sport.

But the Manchester City boss still overthinks on occasion and ultimately beats himself in the quarter-finals. He’ll be back.

5. David Moyes

No Premier League manager has bigger balls for getting 60 points and Europa League football than Moyes.

And we’d back him to walk through to the quarter-finals here, his performances at the oche not setting the heart racing – but winning the respect of the crowd.

Alas, his inherent caution rears its head in the quarter-final with a narrow but tame defeat. What might have been.

4. Daniel Farke

The Ally Pally pantomime villain.

It’s a rite of passage for young pretenders to lose to Farke in agonising circumstances, with the German giving brutally honest post-match press conferences dissecting their failures.

But it’s less brutal than it first appears, with Farke widely known as a lovely fella away from the oche.

3. Keith Andrews

Overlooked in the pre-tournament predictions, Andrews is silently good and sneaks through to the semi-finals.

His appearance in the final four is soundtracked by the gnashing of sponsors’ teeth and the indifference of fans who wanted to see a bigger name.

But a gutsy performance in defeat wins the Ally Pally’s admiration. Never underestimate the appeal of an underdog.

2. Arne Slot

You might say Slot is only second because he’s bald and Dutch, usually a lethal combination at any darts tournament. And you’d be partially right.

But the Liverpool boss showed enough emotional intelligence to win the Premier League title and his straight-talking would be a hit with the Ally Pally crowd.

The pre-tournament favourite, Slot skates through to the final before acquiring an expensive new set of darts and threads.

It backfires unexpectedly and his aura never truly recovers.

1. Sean Dyche

Call us unimaginative, but Dyche has been our go-to figure for previous Premier League manager rankings.

We honestly felt a bit lost in the nine months between Dyche getting sacked by Everton and getting the Nottingham Forest job.

He wins this theoretical Darts Championship too; proper nickname, proper walk-on music and proper respect for the sport.

Dyche would become Ally Pally royalty. He probably shows Morgan Gibbs-White videos of Luke Littler nailing double 12 as inspiration for taking penalties.