Where it looks like you’re being carried off by an alien or a bear or something… | OneFootball

Rights, let’s get this show on the road.

The magnificent dismissal of Benfica on Tuesday has created a lovely warm glow every time you think about the Champions League, or have a regular check of the table to admire Newcastle United sitting above the automatic qualification line. However, it needed to be more than an occasion, as our best performance of the season had to start things clicking into gear.

The Champions League is indeed chugging along nicely but the bread and butter of the Premier League did not look as pleasing heading into this one.

In 15th place and two wins with November on the horizon is not a great look, even through the prism of a mere eight games in and a fairly tough opening run. That was over now and it was incumbent on United to maintain that Benfica form heading into a winnable run of league games.

Fulham have been a strange one. From their return to the Premier League in 2022, Howe’s United notched five straight wins against Marco Silva’s side (including an FA Cup tie) before the Cottagers epitomised United’s failings last season. Despite the overall success, the failure to beat teams from the middling section of the league (especially those deploying the dreaded ‘low block’) saw points dropped that may have proved costly were it not for that last day assist from Man Utd.

Fulham were the only team to complete a league double over United last year, with the away game an early season off-the-pace special where we blew the chance to top the league and the home game a really disappointing second half collapse after going in ahead at the break.

I wrote the other day about how Benfica represented the chance to avenge the Europa league exit of 2013, whereas payback for this one should be a lot fresher in the memory.

The game started on a strange note as the teams emerged to silence. Something obviously wrong with the music and while the crowd belatedly responded, I thought this created a muted start to the game that was never really shook off. Get your tech in order next time.

The game almost started with a bang when Botman headed down Trippier’s corner for Woltemade to hit first time. He drilled it off the post when most in the ground were on their feet expecting the net to bulge.

It was to prove a frustrating afternoon for Big Nick, who was getting manhandled ridiculously by Diop every time the ball went near him. With Halloween coming up, Diop’s grip around the middle reminded me of one of those inflatable outfits you can get where it looks like you’re being carried off by an alien or a bear or something. This perfectly illustrated a shoddy refereeing performance as Fulham realised they could play a bit of a nasty away game and get away with it. The old Arsenal tactic of kicking opponents and falling over was deployed in full effect.

After Big Nick had hit one post, Jacob Murphy rattled the other with a vicious shot from a tight angle, before Fulham got a bit of a foothold in the game. They were seeing more of the ball when Murphy pounced to score a fine individual goal. With Bassey dallying in position Murphy pressed him hard then nicked the ball and went steaming away. Again it was a tight angle but this time he steered the shot perfectly wide of Leno and in at the far post. That high press still works lads!

The Fulham pressure resumed after the restart with Pope having to produce a diving save from Berge and the constant irritant that is Raul Jimenez heading wide from a corner. The performance overall had a disjointed look about it. Gordon looked sharper than he has this season but didn’t hit his Champions League levels. In the closing moments of the half he produced a fine through ball for Murphy to scamper through in similar style to the goal. This time Leno got a hand to the shot and deflected it for a corner.

At half-time Fulham introduced a man simply referred to as Kevin, and his lively presence would cost us, as he gave the visitors a shake up. It was his run and cross from the right that found Jiminez, whose effort was well saved by Pope but Lukic was there to nod in the rebound. Botman’s attempt to thwart him resulted in lengthy treatment for a knock to the head and the novelty value of Fabian Schar coming ON to the pitch because of a possible concussion. Hopefully protocols don’t keep Sven out, as he’s looked back to something like his best alongside Thiaw lately.

The game by now was not going to be the clinical continuation of momentum I had hoped for and bet on. Bruno should have buried a header but fifty-pence headed it over. Jimenez looked like he was desperate to ruin my weekend as he drew another save from Pope, with Kevin once again the creator.

It was starting to feel like this might be a carbon copy of last season’s disappointment, with a Murphy goal cancelled out by rotten second half showing. The introduction of Barnes and Tonali hadn’t had the impact we’d all hoped despite a sweet speculative volley from Sandro, but fortunately Howe’s “late throw of the dice” substitutions would bring more joy.

Elanga has had a bit of a hard time lately but he produced a lively cameo, tormenting Fulham with his pace and driving United forward in search of something. The subsequent arrival of Osula was to be the critical move though, as the Dane did what he does, steaming about like a big old lunatic and terrifying the defence. He chased down Sessegnon and Elanga was on hand to nick the ball. Osula got it back and went haring at goal, leaving opponents trailing in his wake before getting a shot off that Leno saved at full stretch. He could only parry it as far as Bruno, who was on hand to slot in to scenes of pandemonium, relief and a multi-layered celebration.

Injury time was too long as the ref raised suspicions in the vicinity of my seat that someone from Hartlepool couldn’t possibly have no view on Newcastle United, but we got there. A second win of the week was the bottom line and this was job done. There is still some alarm about the potential to play a bit raggedy but the confidence from the result will hopefully help that ahead of the visit of Spurs. Keeping momentum in the cups is vital while the league form is gradually turned around. Hopefully Sandro has kicked his virus and we’ll soon see a couple more returnees to the squad soon.

The result ultimately saw United rise to a more respectable 11th place in the table but I would advise against looking at it. We’ll take that and move on.

Newcastle 2 Fulham 1 – Saturday 25 October 2025 3pm

(Stats via BBC Sport)

Goals:

Newcastle United:

Murphy 18, Bruno 90

Fulham:

Lukic 56

Possession was Newcastle 51% Fulham 49%

Total shots were Newcastle 18 Fulham 12

Shots on target were Newcastle 7 Fulham 5

Corners were Newcastle 4 Fulham 3

Touches in the box Newcastle 36 Fulham 25

Pope, Trippier, Thiaw, Botman (Schar 61), Burn, Bruno, Joelinton, Miley (Tonali 61), Gordon (Elanga 76), Woltemade (Osula 86), Murphy (Barnes 61)

Subs:

Ramsdale, Krafth, Willock, Ramsey

You can follow the author on BlueSky @bigjimwinsalot.bsky.social

(3 Positives and 3 Negatives to take from Newcastle 2 Fulham 1 – Read HERE)

(BBC Sport comments from ‘neutrals’ – Interesting on Newcastle United after 2-1 Fulham win – Read HERE)