Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic at The Gene-Swamp | OneFootball

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE GENE-SWAMP…

Kasper Scmeichel at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 7/10 – You have to admire his focus and authority at the back. Got things sorted with his defence early on after dubious distribution, recognising the aerial threat we were up against. Executed probably the pass of the game with a drop-volley down the left which ultimately led to the opening goal. Followed that up with classic Schmeichel ‘keeping, racing out in anticipation to make a terrific block and stifle the follow-up too. Never an easy one for the goaltender on a skittery surface, but the Lego titan overcame the stickle-brick pitch.

Colby Donovan at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

MELLOW YELLOW – 6/10 – He’s raw and appeared somewhat anxious for periods – overthinking things and forcing the issue more than he needed. When he settled, though, he was just fine and I like his optimistic approach – still willing to get up the park after sweating some late pressure and contributed greatly to the penalty award with a last-gasp bit of wing-play and had the wits to pick out Jamesy.

Marcelo Saracchi at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

SCRATCHY – 6.5/10 – Enthusiasm for performing in those surroundings is a big bonus and thankfully he’s one of those busy players who always appear eager to get involved. And he also might be a bit mental too…Whether that involvement is any good is often debatable but Scratchy answered that query with a lovely whipped cross for Daizen to score a beauty. Very encouraging start to his Hoops tenure and maybe a surprise in the Greggs mould coming up if he keeps KT out of the side.

Liam Scales at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

OF JUSTICE – 6/10 – Well, the boots didn’t quite come up ginger after the dye job, and at times they were appropriate red for danger. Difficult to get the precision right on that pitch and Liam almost invited calamity a couple of times; then again, everyone gets their turn at torment on Killie’s dreadful home patch. However, he got through with the Gaelic Goikoetxea approach, matching their physicality well at set-pieces; Solid game.

Cameron Carter-Vickers at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

GET CARTER – 6.5/10 – If the Big Mhan’s got one attribute lacking in a complete stopper it’s his height. So Killie went and signed Shaq O’Neal to test his fortitude. Lacking a ladder, CCV used guile and some leftover springs from Bonnie Blue’s Ibrox mattress to combat the threat. All-round he and Liam did manage a decent resistance, given the number of times the ball was launched into our box. A good intense test, really, to keep them focussed for tough Euro games ahead.

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Callum McGregor at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

CALMAC – 6/10 – “Help, I’m drowning!” We know. But your manager doesn’t… At the risk of repetition – Calmac cannot operate in a bustling midfield with Negan and Reo evaporating somewhere among the lines ahead of him. With nobody in tandem, or near enough, the disconnect’s too big; he doesn’t get any time to look up, dictate, call the shots. Soooo… we turn back, recycle, recycle, recycle…And then we rely on the skipper showing up out of the miasma to seize upon his limited time on the ball and make us function properly and get things happening. Stop messing around with it, Brendan, and get someone in there beside him with just the one roving ahead. You know I’m right…

Benjamin Nygren at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

NEGAN – 6/10 – I’m not convinced. Came onto a decent game during the second-half but had been frustratingly lightweight until then. He’s a drifter, who drifts into our other drifter and leaves us perforated when the opposition turn it over. There’s only room for one high plains drifter, as Clint Eastwood taught us.

Reo Hatate at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

HAKUNA HATATE – 3/10 – Another sub-par outing for the mercurial Japanese. Perhaps a root cause is the above-referenced cancellation of impact and space when Negan plays too. But Reo never managed to impose himself upon proceedings in any way. If his number hadn’t been raised he’d still be wandering aimlessly around out there.

Michel-Ange Balikwisha at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

BALIKMORY – 3/10 – Did ye see Reo? Another lost in the plastic wilderness. Threw in a few decent corners to have us wondering how Engels got such a good tan in two weeks, but was so consistently anonymous you wonder if we’ve been fleeced. Again. However, in his favour – that surface, his wellbeing; maybe didn’t fancy it and who could blame him. One more chance on grass and we’ll call it from there.

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Daizen Maeda scores for Celtic at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

LORD KATSUMOTO – 7/10 – Who said his heid was in England? It was in the Killie box all the time! Daizen been Daizening all game until that moment, when his scorching acceleration got him across his marker for a flying peach of a header and a chance to show the fans what the badge means to him. And you know what? – of all players, I’ll believe Daizen more than any predecessor. He’s honestly all-in until the end. Bless the maniac.

Sebastian Tounekti is booked by John Beaton at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

TUTANKHAMUN – 7.5/10 MOTM  – Welcome to Scotland, fancy this mince? Amazingly, he did. No fear of taking on his man, putting himself around, or getting stuck in on a playing surface hastily reinforced this morning using Bonnie Blue’s melted used condoms from Mordor yesterday. Took a booking – for a fine tackle… – lost his man for their equaliser, BUT still gets MOTM for his incessant willingness to commit his opponent, beat him more often than not and create some killer chances. As debuts go, this was a cracker. A couple of caveats to enhance his Celtic career – give us a consistent run of effective performances and lose the face fuzz, lest we’ll be wondering if we’ve got the Kuhn sequel or the Tunisian Mikey J on our hands.

SUBS –

Kelechi Iheanacho scores the winner for Celtic at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

ITCHYCOO PARK – 7/10 – Overweight? Over on a jolly? Over as a favour to his old boss? Over-rated? No, it was over-and-out for the Ayrshire Blues when the big player took the big moment and made it his. Not a lot you can tell from one kick, but I’ll point out that the stagger he took in his run-up, and the sharp instinctive glance that told him where the keeper was going, and the guile to just lift the strike that bit higher to clear his gloves… hints towards class. 20-goal striker class.

Yang at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

YING – N/A – Thrown into the Killie hellhole to ready him for Birmingham in January; even it’ll look better…

Kieran Tierney at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

KATIE – N/A – Looked a bit knackered, to be honest. Heavy legs from the International break he wasn’t on? Injury niggling? Or hungover…

James Forrest at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

JAMESY – 6/10 – Ha! Jamesy screws Killie tramps again; just another night in ol’ Prestwick town for the loathed winger as he tormented the locals, scuttling around, looking for his.. erm, A hole…And then wins the winning pen; Notch that one on the bedpost along with the rest of the scrubbers from that blighted toon, Prestwick Pele.

Luke McCowan behind Kelechi Iheanacho during the warm-up at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – N/A – Luke! A late Luke-in.

Brendan Rodgers at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

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THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 6.5/10 – Took the Kylie Minogue I Should Be So Lucky coaching course during the International break and it paid off…Continues to ignore my tactical observations through sheer stubbornness, even though it’s definitive…Stop playing those two together, Brodge, fhs! Has spent more time fielding questions around the executive operations of Celtic than actual focus on the playing side and today it showed; a grind for the most part, involving the same banal method as recent disappointments. Yet, like some players, he gets a pass given the circumstances. Three points from an anti-football pit during a turbulent period in the club’s recent history; we’ll take them and shift quickly towards European concerns.

John Beaton looks at the monitor at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

MIBBERY – 5/10 – Johnny B from Orange County did his best. Three nonsensical Bhoy bookings and a host of free-kicks to facilitate Killie’s aerial bombardments. Everything was going well until the fates – and the forces of light – intervened, and his worst nightmare played out. Had to give it. To his credit – managed to still point in the rough direction of the spot through burning tears and the rushing mental trauma thundering in his eardrums and scrambling his cognitive process. Surprised he managed to blow his whistle while gagging. Har-de-har.

The Celtic Board at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

OVERALL – 6.5/10 – Ayrshire Zombies ragin’ – check. Wee Eddie Munster ragin’ – check. Diets ragin’ because they thought they were top of the league until the last kick of the game – check. Their Big Cousins still perma-ragin’ and ragin’ some more even after their horsing in the interbreeding incestuous hillbilly-cousin-pumping derby yesterday where the Minis were surprising givers instead of takers… – check. Carlsberg still doing footy weekends – check. Just. Like the 12th man we didn’t hear until the 20th minute, the team took a while to get into any sort of groove and continually fell right back out of it, so it seemed.

Sack The Board banner at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

‘Sack the board, sack the board, sack the board’ became ‘We are bored, we are bored, we are bored’, but deep into the second period we clicked a bit and managed enough to pin them back for a while.

That we didn’t kill them off was always going to be a contention at a venue that’s bitten us before, and it transpired again that we would be left frustrated and rueful.

Or did it…

Sack The Board protest at Rugby Park, Kilmarnock v Celtic, 14 September 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

For there was us, hardly lighting up the miserable coffin-lid skies but forcing the issue to the very death and scraping out three precious points that’ll actually do us more psychological good than physical or data-point good… The stuff champions are made of and draw belief from?

Well…check.

Go Away Now

Sandman

Celtic in the Eighties – Out now, it’s our fastest selling book ever and accordingly stocks are now very low indeed, so get it while you can!…

Celtic in the Eighties by the late, great David Potter is out now on Celtic Star Books. Celtic in the Eighties is now available in the Celtic superstore and all other club shops. And don’t forget that you can still purchase your copy directly from Celticstarbooks.com for same day postage.

Order Celtic in the Eighties today, you’ll be glad you did, it’s a fabulous read!

OUT NOW! Celtic in the Eighties by David Potter. Foreword by Danny McGrain. Published on Celtic Star Books. Click on image to order.

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