The Celtic Star
·19 ottobre 2025
Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Angus Catacombs
Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Angus Catacombs | OneFootball
In partnership with
Yahoo sports
SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE ANGUS CATACOMBS…
“You are responsible for the predictable consequences of your actions,” Noam Chomsky
THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6/10 – Booked for being angry, like the rest of us, having to watch the shambles unfold ahead of him. And behind him at kick-off…Nothing he could do about the goals as his defence betrayed his confidence and indulged in sabotage.
OneFootball Video
TONY THE TIGER – 5/10 – A tiger becomes a sacrificial lamb. Hooked at half-time for ‘tactical reasons’ when we’d have been better sending him up the wing and pinning a medal on him for tolerating Yang for 45 minutes.
KATIE – 2.5/10 – Nightmare. This is not the KT we ordered; skinned at will, looking less than confident in his own ability as demonstrated with a fluff when presented with a sitter to immediately put us back in the game at 0-1. Expect Scratchy next outing.
OF JUSTICE – 3.5/10 – Of all people to lose his composure, we could have done without the sweeper-upper falling apart on us. Got the best of a ginger-on-ginger death match for most of the opening half, appearing as the ‘before’ image in a before/after example of chemical weapons exploding in your face. But after he’d been Strictly-ed for their second, Liam lacked his usual defining presence and his decision-making became erratic.
Cameron Carter-Vickers. Dundee v Celtic. 19 October 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)
GET CARTER – 2.5/10 – Oh, dear. The big mhan was a yard off the pace and a geological era out of time, mentally. Lost like an autistic puppy for the opening goal, as bewildered as a Bear in a trophy room at their second, which he ended up bundling in himself.
Continues on the next page…
CALMAC – 4.5/10 – Well, he tried – in sporadic bursts – to take control and prompt something. But the lack of immediate support and the options ahead as hooped jerseys faded in and out of the ether left the skipper a frustrated figure. Not entirely his doing, as we’ll propose (again) later.
NEGAN – 2/10 – Nope, still irritatingly lightweight and predictable. Unless he’s the sole point of midfield penetration (Ladies…) through the middle, he fades badly, drifting pointlessly around the channels.
HAKUNA HATATE – 6.5/10 MOTM – Well, at least we got some Reo action after the opening quarter: he became the man most likely as his drifting DID take effect; beautiful pitch to lay on KT, slammed one close himself, then denied a cert by some flukey arseball in the six-yard box. Looked our best creative option. Like Calmac, though, let down by the midfield set-up which doesn’t afford him as many opportunities to be inventive as we would benefit from, due to Negan running around hysterically beside him.
YING – 0/10 – Birmingyang, still here. Still offering nothing of note. Still favoured ahead of more proven players, and keeping guys with something to prove, out of the side. Why?
TUTANKHAMUN – 2/10 – Damn, it’s the Tunisian Mikey J after all, by the looks of it. Then again, Mikey torched Dundee here a couple of seasons back with a great double; Sorry, Mikey. But Tut’s in trouble if he can’t move that Sand-Dancer-O-Meter needle from tipping towards, ‘Fairy Dust Feet’. Promise gave way to ultimate ineffectiveness, compounded by feckless wandering to give possession away for their second goal.
ITCHYCOO PARK – 6/10 – A trier, we have. Despite getting less service than Jimmy Bs abandoned dogging camper van (hell, you know…) Kelechi proved our most dangerous forward proposition, clipping a post and denied at close-range by a top save.
Continues on the next page…
SUBS –
BALIKMORY – 3.5/10 – One moment of promise amid a half hour of wondering if I was whimsically correct and he really does sneak in with the kit staff.
Kelechi Iheanacho and Johnny Kenny. Dundee v Celtic. 19 October 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)
KENNY JOHNNY – 3/10 – A whole half to prove something against the League’s bottom team. Maybe got a couple of touches but was more short-changed than Lehman Brothers by focussed hulks in dark blue.
Kelechi Iheanacho and Johnny Kenny. Dundee v Celtic. 19 October 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)
THE TERMINATOR – N/A – Arne appears for a pointless cameo on the ground of his greatest Celtic moments.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 3/10 – Luke who’s back! And the home support gleefully told him how much they don’t miss him as he didn’t prove them wrong.
JAMESY – 3.5/10 – You know it’s a hell of a day when Jamesy fails to score in Dundee, his City Of Discoveries. Even when he was double-teamed continually…
Continues on the next page…
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 2/10 – Outwitted tactically by a side who appear to be managed by an angry owl. Are we now past the stage of Brendanistas bleating that “Brendan’s making a point…” with his team selection to emphasise the paucity of his squad. Or can we now consider that he’s maybe running out of ideas and enthusiasm?
Yet again, in magnificent insane repetition, Calmac ends up sitting isolated in front of the centre-backs as the two attacking midfielders ahead of him almost cancel one another out, with Negan evaporating somewhere between their lines. So back-and-side-and-back-and-side we go due to the congestion.
Michael Nicholson and Chris McKay. Dundee v Celtic. 19 October 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)
The life’s being choked out of a once vibrant, free-scoring green machine by unproductive tactics for the umpteenth time. The repeated concept that free-flowing football will come with evisceration of the board is cognitive dissonance on Zombie levels. The dugout is Celtic’s current problem, and the diminishing passion within it for establishing a notable playing style…
Referee Matthew MacDermid. Dundee v Celtic. 19 October 2025. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)
MIBBERY – 6/10 – Aside from disappointing us all with actual competence on a VAR penalty call, the goatworriers’ delegation didn’t have to do much today as we willingly took the shotgun and pointed it at our overpriced footwear.
OVERALL – 2/10 – When does a recognised, valid fan protest then turn into repetitive and disruptive interference by annoying, attention-seeking wee Richards? I’ll leave that one up for debate. Curious to see an Astley playing for Dundee because they hadn’t beaten us up there since his Dad, Rick, was at number one. So 37 years later, here we flaming go…
Lacking our famed attacking wit and guile, Celtic are flimsy, bereft of substance, looking an easy touch if you can ally physical prowess with mental discipline. Exactly how the Tayside blues handled it – daring us to play in front of them, ready to slap us on a speedy counter.
All the possession in the world means nothing if you can’t do anything with it, and we’re not gallus enough to take the brave option or drilled enough to switch up gears and use a higher tempo to run the legs off opposition. So Elvis isn’t dead after all, he’s just been hiding in Dundee. And he’s back with a hit that’ll go down well across the country, especially in the seedy bowels of Gorgie.
As for us, racking up another scoreless venture into tedium, we got the slap in the face that’s been coming for a while, domestically. Whether the Bhoys give some back with interest in classic Celtic-style, or go cry in a corner, is the season-defining response that will dictate the next few crucial games.
Oh, to conclude: Big Ange is free again. Just sayin’…
Go Away Now
Sandman
Celtic in the Eighties by David Potter, signed copies by Danny McGrain available from celticstarbooks.com
Don’t miss the chance to purchase the late, great Celtic historian David Potter’s final book. All remaining copies have been signed by the legendary Celtic captain Danny McGrain PLUS you’ll also receive a FREE copy of David Potter’s Willie Fernie biography – Putting on the Style, and you’ll only be charged for postage on one book. Order from Celtic Star Books HERE.
Celtic in the Eighties and Willie Fernie – Putting on the Style both by David Potter. Photo The Celtic Star
More Stories / Latest News
Visualizza l' imprint del creator
ALTRE NOTIZIE
- AL Wahda
AL Duhail
Guarda - FK Auda
Liepaja
Guarda - Kudrivka
Metalist 1925
Guarda - BIGBRO
FC Caesar
Guarda - Sharjah
Tractor Sazi Tabriz
Guarda - AL Shorta
Al-Ittihad Jeddah
Guarda - Gear7 FC
Alpak FC
Guarda - Circus FC
Underdogs FC
Guarda - D-Power
FC Zeta
Guarda - Al-Ahli
Al-Gharafa SC
Guarda - Zebras FC
Stallions
Guarda - Fram Reykjavik
Stjarnan
Guarda - Desimpedidos Goti
FC Real Elite
Guarda - TRM FC
Boomers
Guarda - Nyvelados FC
Funkbol Clube
Guarda - G3X FC
Loud SC
Guarda - Capim FC
Fluxo FC
Guarda - Furia FC
Dendele FC
Guarda - Melbourne City
Buriram United
Guarda - CHENGDU QIANBAO
Johor Darul Tazim FC
Guarda - Ulsan Hyundai FC
Sanfrecce Hiroshima
Guarda
I giocatori del Tottenham tornano ad allenarsi dopo la sosta per le nazionali Slot: 'Giudicate Isak da adesso in poi' Highlights di Lionel Messi contro l'Atlanta Julián Álvarez parla del suo grande momento di forma Ultimo allenamento della Germania prima dell’Irlanda del Nord Richarlison elogia Ancelotti: “Ci dà fiducia”
